It's been busy. My aunt is home from the rehab, but really can't live alone since her memory is so bad, and even with in-home help we're probably going to have to legally force her into assisted living. So that should get interesting.

 On my side, I've been catching up, going to see another hepatologist for a second opinion, getting my shots, and my colonoscopy was yesterday (only one small polyp, yay!). I need to sleep more but my body is still finding ways to wake me up between 4-6 am so naps have become increasingly necessary. I take my food break now as an hour to crash out on my sofa, then back to the grind. Every morning I set my alarm for 9 or 10 and never need it. *sigh*

 I still need to do about 12 more health-related things, but I'm just tackling one at a time since that's the only speed I can do right now. First shingles shot is next Tuesday, then I have to work on scheduling a mammogram and abdominal ultrasound (might as well knock both off if I can get back-to-back imaging appointments). The rest will follow.

And people wonder why I start Christmas shopping in August lol. 

Halloween/horror movie season is starting soon :D! I'll be interested to see if they add new movies to the usual Halloween/Nightmare on Elm St/Friday the 13th rotation since quite a few new ones have come out over the past couple of years and I've seen the 80s ones a million times. Those are good to have on in the background when I'm working, but don't really hold my active interest any more.

My aunt is in a rehab to get stronger before she returns home since, as she's finding out, recovery at 85 is not a simple task. Not that she's reconciled with that fact, and apparently she offended the one remaining cousin near her age who's still alive and close by, so unfortunately when she returns home she'll really be on her own. 

My lease renewal arrived about a week ago, and even though the last thing I want would be to try and live with and take care of her (not because I don't love her, but because she defines intractably difficult patient), I offered to give up my apartment and move in with her. My parents said no and I know they're right; I have enough going on with my health and staying sober that the added stress would be a huge burden, but I had to at least offer.

And my sister, who has relied on my parents' and aunt's generosity in free housing for over a decade now, suddenly decided she's buying a co-op alcove studio in Evanston, IL. The location makes some sense because she went undergrad to Northwestern University so she knows/knew the area, and god knows it's cheaper than NJ (it's about $110,000 there, here it would be about $350,000-$400,000). The timing, however, is highly suspect.

Not that I'm shocked. I called this years ago, that when the time came to return the care given to her she would run as fast and far as she could, and so far she's following the expected pattern. In terms of people to rely on when things get tough, she is one who would be quite far down on my list and she's proving why yet again. I can't do much around working full time so it will fall to my parents, and whoever/however they can get some form of home care since my aunt's insurance doesn't cover a full time caregiver, and of course she won't sell her house and relocate to assisted living. At some point it will be forced on her due to declining health, or she may just pass away. I hope she doesn't use her gun(s), but that also is a possibility, and there's little we can do about that.

In other news, I suspect my hot flashes/chills/fatigue crashes are caused by peri-menopause/menopause, so I'll see what my gynecologist has to say about it on Friday.  I think there's a blood test they can do to figure out if my body has started the process, and if it has I may be a few years in already, but I'm not opposed to HRT as an option. So it's off to another doctor, then another liver specialist, a colonoscopy, mammogram, and MAYBE I'll be done for the year. *sigh* This is my horror movie, unending medical problems and doctor visits to manage them along with family complications. Oh well, hopefully no real-life jump scares or murders :).

Well, it's a good thing I got to relax in Newport because it's certainly been a long 4 days since getting back. Work has been crazy busy, and my aunt ended up back in the hospital on Wednesday with dehydration and walking pneumonia. We knew she was dehydrated and wasn't doing great, but since she lives alone and we're one and a half hours away even without traffic on the Parkway we couldn't do more than ask her to drink more water and eat.

In some ways it's better she's in the hospital since they'll feed and hydrate her along with taking care of the pneumonia, but longer term we need to find something that works to get her to take better care of herself post-surgery. The major problem is that we can't do it without her accepting things have permanently changed for her way of life. She is 85, nothing will turn back the clock. It takes longer to recover, and serious commitment to change, and she's not there yet.

I get it. I fought for 10 years to accept that I had cirrhosis and a major relapse/hospitalizations until I'm finally (so far) doing better. I cheat on my diet when I eat out, but I cook as much as I can, do the low sodium thing, take my medications, stay sober, try to get decent sleep, and keep up with my doctors while working full time. Not going to lie - it's a lot and I still get angry sometimes that I'm 46 but have the energy level/health problems of someone 20 years older, but I have accepted the responsibility for that and now am just trying to make it better and settle into new routines.

She doesn't have 10 more years in all likelihood, however, and if she can't reconcile the new reality with what she is willing to change then it will only be a short while until she passes away. It is her choice though, and I respect that, share my experience of health problems starting when I was 20 with the botched appendicitis and what worked/didn't work for me, and hope she understands and adapts. 

I finally had a mini-vacation and went with my mom to Newport, RI for a long weekend, which was great fun! She hadn't been there in over 15 years and things are much more built up than before, but there's still a nice mix of local shops along with the major chain stores, and the mansions were very interesting. We did a mix of everything - lobster rolls, afternoon tea at Marble House, two mansion tours, dinner at the White Horse Tavern, and shopping, so much so that in one day I logged over 15,000 steps. For someone who normally clocks 2,500-3.500 it was quite a change but I certainly slept well!

I also realized that while I've been admitted to the hospital four times this year, the last time I stayed in a hotel was 2022. Let me reiterate that, it's been three years since I stayed in a hotel! That's probably the longest I've ever gone between vacations (even then it was one night in Atlantic City for a concert), and this wasn't even a full week, just four nights away. Now that I've been in my job coming up on three years I need to start planning time off again, and stay sober so that I can use my PTO for fun things, not hospital stays and endless doctor appointments.

 I'm still looking for a condo/townhouse/house that comes in under $500,000 for a 2 bed/2 bath. While I haven't given up, I am realizing just how far I would have to move before that's a real possibility. Anything on a train line to NYC is right out unless I want to get shot waiting for the train, and while near Philly is more affordable it's not really close to family or NYC, so that limits those possibilities. Maybe down near where my parents are, which would be 20-30 minutes to a bus that would take an hour and a half to arrive in Port Authority, but that might be the most likely area.

For now though I'll just focus on keeping my job, saving what I can, and hope the coming recession drops prices enough that I can take advantage of it (not that I want that, but Trump's doing everything in his power to crash the economy so we shall see). I have a lot to be proud of in terms of getting stability and that's good enough for now. 

I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I checked into the hospital. Although I'm mostly better, the lag time to rebuild my strength just seems to get longer and longer. When I was there I averaged under 1,000 steps per day, mostly because I had to drag an IV stand around with me which is a huge pain in the ass. I tried to make it up with between 3,000-7,000 steps over the succeeding days and weekend at home, and while I got a lot done, I'm just fucking exhausted.

More than anything I need like a month off, but that's not going to happen so it's back to the grind, falling asleep occasionally at my desk when fatigue overwhelms me, and just trying to get back to where I was a year ago. I may never be 100% at that level again, but I'll keep trying on a modified scale. 

 So it's been a tad bit hectic. I spiked a fever of 103 on Monday-Tuesday, and had my primary care appointment Wed which I already had scheduled months ago. I explained what happened, he said to keep me posted and gave me a LabCorp scrip for CBC, CMP, urinalysis, and blood culture as a just in case. That weekend I went to see my aunt since she was home from the hospital.

She's still confused and ornery as hell with medical things (nurse visitations, medications she has to take, etc) and complains ad nauseam that this wasn't an immediate fix to revert her to 20 years ago. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, but whatever, at least she's trying somewhat, and I'm glad I got to see her in person.

As for me, I got a lot done Sunday and Monday, then by Tuesday afternoon I was freezing cold and it was 81 in the apartment according to the thermostat. Uh oh. Sure enough, my fever swung between 102-104.8, which I even started getting nervous about, so Thursday morning I went to get the labs done. Downside? I literally only got the last bit of results today since I guess it takes a week through LabCorp. I made a special request to share even preliminary results, and suffered through the rest of the week with severe UTI symptoms. 

Saturday morning I get a call from the covering doctor that my blood culture came back positive which means it's ER time. Off to Jersey Shore Medical again, knowing they'll admit me for sepsis and IV antibiotics and sure enough, that's how it went. I was in the hospital Sat-Tues afternoon, so worked from the hospital only one day, which was good. Of course my body's still freaking out but I'm just on oral antibiotics now and god I hope it clears everything. I've spent way too much time in the hospital for someone my age. I suppose I'll find out if this is the end of my terrible, horrible, no good year *fingers crossed*.

My aunt is getting one of her heart valves replaced today so I'm hoping for good news even though she insists she won't take medication post-surgery. That means she'll likely die soon, but we've all talked to her about it and ultimately it's her choice. You can lead a horse to water and all that, but we can't make her do what's best for her, something I understand intimately since drinking is the same thing for me. You know it's killing you, but you come back to it as a denial of reality.

Since my dad went north yesterday to be with her and take her to the hospital today, I spent yesterday with my mom which is usually a fun time. In many ways I love spending time with my parents, I just don't want to live with them lol. We did lunch at a historic inn in Sea Girt, then headed to Costco to get new glasses and contacts since I finally had my checkup and I do need a new prescription (plus my contacts expired about 3-4 years ago). 

While we were at the opticians, she was remarking how much my mom and I look alike, and we absolutely do physically. I got the Irish complexion with a bit of Polish thrown in and we both have the same rounded face. Of course, while I look like her, I have my dad's temperament. If something is broken, I jury rig something to fix it. If something has to be done I go do it rather than procrastinating. When a decision needs to be made, I think about it but make a final choice on a normal timeline. My mom and sister fall on the opposite end of the spectrum, where things are delayed as long as possible and you practically have to force them to make a now-or-never decision.

My mom is always like "I need to hire a cleaning lady" (their house is kind of gross at this point since she doesn't want to clean anymore), "I have to decide on a paint color" (it's been 20 years and no paint has been chosen), etc. I've also never heard a retired person complain more that they have no time to get to these things and I'm like "Um, you're retired. You have more time now than you ever did when you were working and raising me and my sister."

Similarly, when my sister quit her job, it was like "Ok, she's taking a break." Then a year passed, two years passed, she moved back in with my parents and has been there ever since. She comes up with plans "I'll open a breakfast for dinner restaurant" (she can't cook well), "I'll invest in Bitcoin" (that did work out for her), "I'll buy an off-grid house" (this is the person who is afraid of sharp objects and bees, with zero construction experience).

It's a lack of follow through for both of them. To her credit my sister did try to be a normal human being when she took the job at the Fed, but that was required for a set numbers of years post-grad school since they gave her a scholarship that paid for said school. She voiced resentment to that requirement long before her required years were done, and stayed a few years afterwards, but somewhere along the way she let the resentment drive the bus, hence where she quit a fantastic job because she hates being told what to do.

She's afraid of sharp objects as I mentioned, including kitchen knives, but again to her credit she took a course (basically Knives 101) on how to properly handle one. I don't know if Sven, who she was dating at the time, was behind that since he was quite an excellent cook, but she completed the training. Then never practiced using knives, so for the past decade she carves apples with a butter knife, and cooks grains and pasta that don't require chopping. She won't even chop an onion to pop in the grain pot for flavor. Again, lack of follow through where it reaches a certain amount of effort and acknowledgement of the problem then she mentally runs and hides.

It's a similar situation with her refusing to move out of my parents house. She's been there twelve or thirteen years now, refuses to take any regular, full time job since she doesn't want to feel tied down or obligated to an employer, and pays lip service to moving out even though there's been no movement. She's stuck in limbo, kind of an extended adolescence, where she renounced the world of adulting and decided to go back to the butter knife of parents taking care of everything and doing nothing but what she feels like doing at the time.

I don't get it. Truly and sincerely, if I decide I'm getting a job, moving out, adulting, driving, cooking for myself, getting a car, these were non-negotiable. I don't half-ass it, I do it. God knows I have my own flaws, but at least I can say that I follow through like my dad.

As I was working today an email went out to the entire NY firm - active shooter at 345 Park Ave, stay inside and wait for updates. Since I now work from home it didn't impact me, but I remembered my times of WTF when I was in NYC. When the steam pipe blew up Lexington Ave, two crane collapses, an earthquake, random shootings, stabbings, and robberies on Jay St and Willoughby, and a few others.

It's part of living in an old city packed to the gills with people and occasional disasters, and I came to accept it fairly quickly. Stay safe, be aware of your surroundings, always have a plan B, and bring food & water everywhere in case you get stuck under the river on the subway. In all of my time there, however, there was never a random active shooter situation, much less down about two blocks from where I used to work in Midtown.

It sounds like this was a murder/suicide from someone who came from Las Vegas, but active shooters are equally frightening no matter where it occurs since it is random violence, often without a motive, that you can't predict. Luckily I don't know anyone who works in that building but there is that initial spike of adrenaline I still have when I hear of things happening around where I worked for over thirteen years. At another time I could have been caught up in a similar situation even though they kept security pretty tight at LIB.

Despite the insanity though, I still miss NYC. I don't think I'll ever stop but at least I'm happier here, since the trade-offs in living there were getting greater as I aged and the city changed, but I guess that's a metaphor for life.

I just logged on to check news before bed and damn. Anne Burrell's death was ruled a suicide by the ME. I was hoping that it was natural causes despite the reports about pills being found around her body, but whatever demons she had must have been too much for her that day/week/month.

She was one of my favorite Food Network personalities and Worst Cooks in America was always required viewing since I discovered it around the 6th season. Her ability to teach well with tough love and her genuine enjoyment of the profession rang true much more so than other "celebrity chefs," and she will be sorely missed.

I hope she's found some form of peace now, and I will always cook with "slices, sticks, and dices" and "brown food tastes good" in my mind. 

One of the many times I saw Counting Crows (at SummerStage in Central Park that time) I LOVED the band that opened for them, even though I'd never heard of them before. I went to see that band again a few years later at Terminal 5 and it was just another amazing experience which I cherish to this day as one of my best concerts.

The band is Michael Franti and Spearhead, and I was scheduled to see them again before Covid hit, so naturally it was rescheduled and canceled a few times. By the time there was another definite date I had been working for over a year, living in South Jersey, and even though I booked a hotel I was just too tired to make the trip for a Wednesday night concert.

So I was thrilled when I saw he was coming to Ocean Resort & Casino in Atlantic City since that's a relatively easy place to get to for me nowadays. I planned to stay over my parents' house since they live even closer, and asked if they wanted to come. They both said yes, which surprised me, but great! I booked 3 tickets in the seated section since they're 80 years old and their standing days at a concert are long past.

When I saw him in the past it was very peace and love, but tended more towards African beats and reggae/dancehall. And he was more open and honest than I'd ever seen him since he's obviously come a long way in his life since I saw him about twelve years ago. He's found his soulmate, had two children (one just arrived a couple of months ago), gone through his midlife crisis, and recently lost both his birth mother and adopted mother. He told us about it with such poignancy that it was easy to forget you weren't talking to him, that he was speaking to a concert hall full of fans, but I could relate so much and was so happy that he had found some peace for himself.

A lot of his recent songs are from those times and I will definitely be downloading a few that really hit home for me since he is sharing that hope that we find our place, things do get better, and there will be sunshine even when it's dark in your life at the moment. If I ever see him performing and am in the area I will definitely be at his concert again. Not many bands can give me hope, but he does. 

I can actually eat normally again, although I'm more careful about minimizing processed food because of the sodium content. Yesterday we headed down to the Wildwood BBQ Festival, shared ribs, pulled pork & coleslaw, and cornbread and my stomach and pancreas had no trouble. The cornbread was so good it inspired me to bake some today, and I was so happy to have something other than fish or chicken!

 I'm slowly getting through the backlog of things on my to-do list since I normally wake up around 7-8am now so I have the whole day. Shredding, recycling, trash, laundry, peach-cherry banana muffins, and blueberry lemon cornbread have all been done, and cleaning was last weekend so I'm fairly caught up at this point.

I also went a little crazy during Prime Day since I'm still nesting in the apartment and getting things ready. It's easy to fall into a routine, and one of the major things I did when I moved out of NYC after 11 years in my last apartment was throw away things I still had with me from college (I bought them in 1997-2004 between undergrad & grad) since I never replaced them. Now that I'm pulling in a good salary, my retirement accounts are set up, and I have savings, I'm trying not to literally use things that are worn out/don't work/don't use/don't fit any more.

Not that I'm doing a full purge, but I really do hang on to things beyond their useful life. The next major clean will be to evaluate my wardrobe, partly because I no longer physically go to work, partly because my weight has fluctuated so much, and partly because (again) I have 20+ year old clothes that have seen better days and are just taking up space. I ordered some new tops/dresses/shorts during Prime Day and hopefully it will be a place to start next weekend.

 Yesterday I went back to my parents for the fireworks down there and was reminded of two things:

1) Do not try to go south on the Parkway on Friday or Saturday or north on Sundays in the summer. I had to take a secondary route home unless I felt like waiting hours in bumper to bumper traffic (spoiler alert: I didn't).

2) Dear lord, how in the hell did I put up with the yelling and dysfunction for three years during Covid or the 6 weeks recently? I think I just learned to shut it out which makes it that much more jarring when I return.

 Those two things notwithstanding, I very much enjoyed the fireworks and also brought down corn on the cob and pumpernickel bread from a farm stand near me as well as banana-lemon bread I had baked. I have baked oatmeal with fruit in the fridge for breakfast and tortellini to make for the week's food so I'm good to go. I also managed to mop my wood floors and vacuum the rugs today, although scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors will have to wait for another day since I'm still (mostly) pacing myself.

Speaking of which, I'm still finding myself more tired than I remember so I must still be building back my strength. I'd say I'm about 85% though, which is a VERY significant improvement, and more so since being back in the apartment since I am more physically active just by cleaning, doing errands, hauling groceries, cooking, and baking.

I also am down 90 pounds from my heaviest in May 2023 at 227 lbs, and barely fit into the clothes I had when I left NYC at 140, so I may have to go shopping at some point, but that can wait for now since it's not like I'm going out to work every day. Now I get to see if I can maintain that weight! 

I'm so happy to be back home! Today I moved back to my apartment and was seriously running out of patience. I was so tired of having my mom watch everything I ate and did, their constant talking during my work day when any interruption when she's on the computer is met with "Can't you see I'm busy?!" and most of all the low-level tension that exists between my parents. I know that relationship and see the tension they both hold toward each other's shortcomings, but they also know that I will listen to them complain about each other. What they don't get is how much that tension rubs off on me when I'm there for long periods of time. It sucks, always has, and always will, but for my own health I needed them to help me do just daily tasks.

I've still got about 10 pounds of water weight to shed, but today I enlisted them to help me food shop, I Swiffered the apartment, made peach-strawberry quick bread for breakfast this week, and tomorrow I'm making meatloaf. It's more energy than I've had in over a month.

Of course the flip side is that I'm still awake since I'm just reveling in being able to relax, watch TV, and not have to deal with them for a while. I figure that as long as I can sleep tomorrow night I'll be good to go, since I don't need the crazy amount of sleep any more that I did when I left the hospital. Six weeks makes a big difference.

So for now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and I know I can keep on the proper path. The alternative is no longer an alternative without seriously risking death.

I'm still alive and recovering, in fact I gave back the oxygen tanks yesterday after a week of my O2 sats remaining over 90 even at night. However, I'm still weaker than I was and tired most of the time. I need to constantly remind myself I'm recovering from pneumonia, pancreatitis, jaundice, and hepatitis all at the same time so OF COURSE this is taking forever. I'm also no longer 20 years old any more, and when I had the breathing issues post-appendicitis and ventilator that also took 6 weeks at less than half of my current age.

I'll get through this, and next weekend I plan on returning to my apartment, so I'll be doing stairs again and hauling groceries, along with hopefully getting around to cleaning it since it's been about 2 months since I last did so, but I need to put me first. Rest when I can. Don't overwork myself. And keep doing the next right thing. 

It's been 3 weeks since I was released from the hospital, and the exertion a week ago cooking/baking/etc touched off a short bit of pancreatitis again, so it's back to bland foods (boo!). My sister lasted all of 3 days before she couldn't take sleeping on the fold out couch and couldn't adjust to the noise of my oxygen concentrator at night which I still need. Sorry to disturb your beauty rest - oh wait, not sorry since I've been suffering about 100X what you are.

 I finally got back to my apartment briefly yesterday, and while my plants are dying and I watered them to give them a shot, everything else seems in order. I am greatly looking forward to being able to go back, but I know I'm not there yet. The swelling still has to go down in my abdomen and legs, and I'm hoping to gain more strength and nap less as time goes on.

Slow progress, but progress is being made and I shall see how much longer it takes until I feel mostly normal. Any way you slice it though, I want to be back in my apartment on June 29th as my mail forwarding ends. It's a good goal to have.

So, that low oxygen? Not from the pancreatitis. Despite having no fever, I contracted flu type A while I was in the hospital which progressed to bilateral pneumonia. Basically when my O2 dropped to 80 at night I finished out the work week then drove to CityMD and then to the ER where they admitted me and I stayed for 8 days while they cleared up some of the pneumonia.

I had to move in with my parents temporarily and STILL have the swelling in my abdomen and legs despite being on water pills since my body basically totally freaked out and my liver started retaining fluid again. I also had to be on home oxygen to maintain an O2 above 90 for the first week and finally am off the oxygen enough that I can probably give it back this coming Tuesday.

And of course, because of all of the health problems I've had I was working from my hospital bed this time for 4 out of the 5 work days I was in the hospital. Oy. I am beyond ready just to take time and properly recover, but without anyone to cover at work for me on a long term basis it's just not possible.

Today was one of the first days I had any time in a month beyond working, napping, and doctor appointments, and it was good just to get some basic socialization with my mom's friend who invited us over. I baked lemon pudding cakes for us to enjoy and plan an early bedtime since tomorrow my sister stops by for a short appearance and I committed to making chicken paprikash for us.

I may be staying with my parents, and not able to contribute much since I'm still kind of ill, but I refuse to act like my sister and will pitch in where I can. And that sums up SO MUCH about how she and I operate.

I tried. I really did try to be healthy enough to survive Easter, but ended up in the hospital (again) with an attack of pancreatitis. I quit drinking for the month before, tried to eat healthy-ish, and tried to exercise as much as I could around work and my flagging strength.

However, after the meal I started feeling unwell, like my stomach had doubled in size, then the shaking and vomiting started after an hour or so while we were still at my aunt's. My aunt has a pulse-ox we made her get during Covid and I was running a 91 or below on both hands so the ambulance was called. They took me to Clara Maas, which isn't the best hospital in NJ, but at least now they're part of RWJBH so my doctors will be able to see any test results, etc. The family stayed as long as they could, but had to get back to South Jersey so around 10pm I told them to go home.

At this point I've vomited up everything except bile, but then the real pain hits, so they gave me morphine and admitted me upstairs around 2am. I was there from Sunday night to Thursday after dinner and were contemplating a paracentesis on Wednesday, although as it turns out my ascites weren't voluminous enough to take the risk of hitting something unintended, so I worked on getting home the next day. I found out I'm not allergic to penicillin or Zosyn after all (yay!), and I was SO glad to get out of the hospital, but it's been hell, not gonna lie.

I still have a persistent cough and low oxygen so I have to rest more, and am up at least twice per night coughing. My legs and ankles have significantly swelled, and my lower body strength is limited as a result. I look like I'm pregnant since everything's still inflamed, although I can eat without throwing it back up. Still, I was logged back on to work as of Monday since I can at least work from home even though I feel like I'm moving through molasses. 

My sister had done some research and found closer GI/hepatologist specialists about 1/2 an hour away, so I made a new patient appointment with the one who appealed most to me, which miraculously didn't take 2 months to procure, so May 7th I'll see him as a second opinion. If there are lingering symptoms for edema, weakness, and breathing I figure he can address those as well, and until then I'll just tough it out, since that's what I always do.

So that's the status for now. All other plans have to be put on hold while I work, rest, and hopefully get well enough to drive to the appointment myself, otherwise I'm requesting a ride from the parents if necessary, but it certainly was an Easter none of us will ever forget, although not in a good way!

Interestingly, and not in a good way, my liver is doing what it did when I was in the hospital. Even though my bilirubin was much lower then, it still started going up again by the 4th and 5th day there despite (obviously) not drinking.

Last week I had repeat blood work, and same again, bilirubin had slightly increased despite 2 weeks of not drinking. Therefore the nausea and fatigue is still hanging on but I managed sushi on Friday and hopefully by Easter I'll be okay to eat a normal meal without feeling like I'm going to have it make a reappearance unless I lie down ASAP.

In other news, I'm nesting. I bought a window bird feeder that should attach to my sliding balcony doors, and for my birthday requested a glass or crystal vase for the fresh flowers I bring in from the supermarket when my little Christmas tree isn't up. The last touch will be a reed diffuser (another birthday gift request) even though my windows are mostly open spring and fall once the temperature holds. 

I'm greatly looking forward to that, and hearing the evening insects during the summer, a major reason why I torture myself hauling my groceries upstairs to the second floor since it means I can leave my windows open without worrying about being broken into. Once in a lifetime is enough for being burglarized, but it was certainly a learning experience!

I'm also trying to figure out WTF to do with money, although I've always been on the more conservative end of a stock portfolio so I haven't been hit as hard as others, but I know the Trump pain is far from over so I need to prep. When I'm finally feeling better I'll have to put that up as a priority.

 

Today I was looking up what seasons of Top Chef were on Netflix for background noise while working, when I noticed The Menu is there, but leaving soon. Of course I had to put it on for tonight.

I first saw this on FLIX on cable TV, and the previews had intrigued me initially. As I watched it, I absolutely loved the subversive tone and eventual twists as the plot progresses, and have watched it as often as I could find it there. It's one of the more clever movies I've seen in a long time and has a lot to say about classes, obsession, and more.

I will miss it when it leaves Netflix, but if they still make DVDs I may have to locate one of those to add to my library.

The nausea from jaundice has been SO BAD all week that I've had to lie down for 15 minutes even during work to make sure I'm not going to vomit up what I've managed to choke down. Today, maybe because I got a reprieve from sitting still for 10 hours, it's marginally better. It still took about 2 hours in the morning with yogurt & cereal and a brief lie-down to quell it, but I was productive once it receded.

I had mopped my wood floors Friday night since we were relatively quiet at work, and today was laundry, turning my mattress, replacing sheets, dusting, vacuuming rugs, scouring kitchen & bathroom floors, and cleaning tub, toilet and sink. Then I officially ran out of energy and my butt will be on this couch until I go to bed. 

Tomorrow is food shopping, where I will endeavor to find some blander products to eat this week in the hopes that the nausea will pass. I'm already less yellow than I was, which bodes well that my body is compensating slowly but surely for the abuse I've put it through, so it's just a matter of keep on keeping on and do what I can with the energy I can muster. This too shall pass. I just have to stay focused on not drinking.