I've made it past the second round of layoffs. Scariest of all to me is that I called pretty much everyone who's been laid off so far. My sense of paranoia is coming in handy, I suppose, but the worst is when things like this happen where we can't even say goodbye to our colleagues before they're gone; half an hour, a box, and the end. It hurts. I always want it to be different, but I have to resign myself to the fact that despite my ideas, nothing is safe; nothing is guaranteed.

Overall though, despite my hatred and insecurity, I've managed to turn it positive for me. I'm going to all of my doctors getting the (sometimes) overdue checkups while I still have insurance, and for the most part doing my best to stay sane in the face of over a year of constant fear that this all could crumble in a minute.

I wonder sometimes if my entire generation deals with this, or if it's just me. I doubt it's just me. I graduated in 2001, the beginning of the last recession's peak of unemployment. Now there's a new class graduating for 2009 and more, and their prospects are bleaker than mine was. Increased population, increased college graduation rate, yet less jobs than were available even when I graduated and left with my job at $23,000 and living in North Jersey (that's also called living with parents because that salary won't buy squat).

Will they grow up to be more jaded than my generation? Is that even possible? When I express my viewpoint, those 10 or 20 years older than me think that I'm cynical, I wonder what will happen to those who come next with even more hard times getting jobs, paying off student debt, and all of the other problems that attend jobs leaving the US, student loans rising, credit card and private debt rising beyond means, and facing things that someone 22 has never faced before.

It was a shock for me, and this was small times compared to now. I can't pretend that I'm not grateful that my particular course has gone to LIB, sacrifices aside. But now there's a major escalation caused by those who were their parents, and their peers. The perfect storm of debt has hit, and I quiver to think of what will follow.

I'm off today, and thinking about all of this because it's what keeps me up at night; me and many others. All I can do is cling as hard as I can to the job I have, and watch with sorrow at the situation the US has found itself in, and wish the best for everyone. The latest hope is that Obama has been elected and there may be a positive change. I have to believe in that, since right now, things are as bad as they have been since the Great Depression -- and people are finally seeing that.