*sigh* Every week that I manage to make it through reminds me how worn down I am. But I'm watching a MASH marathon (even though I own the whole series) and it reminds me how much worse things could be. I'm tired. I'm burned out. But there's a reason to keep going on, to take care of myself if nothing else. I think that's all I'm marginally capable of at this time.

And I don't hold people's lives in the palm of my hand, thank god.

I'm watching a documentary on the History channel about Trump, his origins and entry into politics. And it is weird. I have keep reminding myself this IS NOT NORMAL. None of his actions, reactions, or policy choices resemble anything except an oligarchy.  No care for the majority of our citizens and lies flying out of his mouth every day.

I try not to be angry that we elected this jackass (sort of) but damn. I really hope we get back to normal some time soon.

Well, I'm sort of almost better. Still have a lingering cough and generally feel like I've been flattened by a tractor trailer, but I made it to Brooklyn today which was a major step. I also had a doctor's appointment yesterday, gyno but hey, a doctor nonetheless, and she declared my lungs clear so at least there's no danger of walking pneumonia.

I'm tired but doing what I always do and letting my parents pressure me into seeing them tomorrow despite not really being up for it. I really need to stop that but every time I push back it just amplifies the guilting and concern that they have. So it'll be lip service, avoid, rinse, and repeat.

To quote Fight Club, this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. I wish that these sayings were disturbing instead of comforting.

Although I do thank heavens that I have an adjustable base for my bed, even that hasn't compensated for the double cold. I think I just need to start sleeping in shifts and keep myself well drugged with anti-cough and anti-congestion medicine since otherwise I literally coughed so hard this morning I thought I was going to bust a blood vessel. Which with me and my particular condition could literally kill me.  *sigh*

On the plus side, I could and did work from home today since I didn't have to have a Manhattan presence and my boss is more forgiving if I work from home on Brooklyn days.

On the BIG downside, my colleague who is the quant expert and who I've basically backed up (but not been the expert in these subjects) is retiring. Which I got to find out at the staff meeting on Thursday, so he didn't even give me a heads up his vague plans had suddenly gotten very firm.  Fuck. I am SO screwed since I'll have to assume 90% of what he was doing plus the fact that my healthcare backup basically decided over the past year and a half she was bored of healthcare, she wanted to do something else.

So I will presumably be point person on two completely separate and complicated lines of business with no full backup. All I can say is fuck it, I'm not going to expend crazy effort over this, I've tried pleading for help in the past and no one listened so the bankers will just have to wait. I learned my lesson with the computer debacle that no extra expense will happen unless it hits a crisis point, so I may just have to keep that in mind and let it happen.

Dear lord, I got a cold on top of a cold. If I thought I'd been using tissues before today, I used the rest of the box at my desk by 10am and had to use napkins afterward since the office doesn't supply tissues and the weather was particularly nasty outside. At least my back hasn't gone out again from the frequent sneezing, and it's not the flu!

My energy right now is tied up in getting better, please!

This week was better since I made it to work every day which I know sounds like an obvious statement, but considering being in pain, depressed, and sick (along with the rest of my floor) it's something that was actually an achievement. At this point, out of 4 people in my immediate family, 3 of us are sick, which seems like an appropriate proportion for most of NYC judging by the subway and work.

It's not the flu, thank god, but some sort of nasty cold that's going around. Everyone is sneezing, coughing, and generally being miserable, and for the time of the year it's not unusual but every year and every virus is different. This one seems to be particularly virulent, and I'm sure bouncing back and forth from Manhattan to Brooklyn I've carried it there. You're welcome Brooklyn!

I'm not a Super Bowl person but I do feel bad for the people who will be there. Between the freezing cold and the viruses I'm sure will be carried into that stadium, good luck! I've got a space heater in my apartment, tissues by my side, and online ordering. It's all about the small comforts.