I missed Magnolia when it was released in theaters. It's over-long (spanning two VHS tapes back in the day) but the compelling stories, interweaving of the drama, and stellar acting draws me back again and again even though I cry every time. 

IMHO it is also one of the clearest distillations of how many forms of grief there can be: family love, loss, and loathing; lives forced into narrow and unwanted boundaries; denial of self; denial of the past; emotional wounds left to fester untended since to bring them to light is unthinkable; and more shades and dimensions that make these characters infinitely relatable. Needless to say it's not a happy movie, although the ending is tinged with hope, a new start in some ways for many of these people caught up in one hectic day in Los Angeles.

In these times, it's also a representation of the breadth of grief everyone has been experiencing. Under everyone's facade there is something we have lost through the pandemic, be it a sense of security, a job, a family member (or unfortunately, multiple in some families), a chance at change that now is out of reach, traveling, going to the store without a mask, etc. The levels vary widely but I've never heard anyone express that they wish things could stay this way forever.

I think the most prevalent loss is security, whether it's fiscal, familial, living situation, employment, or just the general ambiguity, people are looking for something safe. Something that makes sense and has a concrete answer instead of endless maybes and I don't knows. I know I've lost my accomplishments and the security that I had related to those but I had something to fall back on, hardly ideal but I can get through it. I'll just have to start from zero again, as horrible as that sounds, and deal with those new, constant uncertainties and fears to find different accomplishments. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking, perhaps too much, but a verse that always resounded from the Magnolia soundtrack was:

"When I can't confront the doubts I have

I can't admit that maybe the past was bad,

And so, for the sake of momentum

I'm condemning the future to death

So it can match the past"

- Aimee Mann

Maybe I'll learn enough with a clean slate to not repeat the past. This could be the real life equivalent of the new hopeful start at the end of the movie, where the character could go over the next months and years if they make that vital change. Time to go forward.