Since September I've been going to chair yoga at least once a week, and trying to do at least two 20 minutes sessions from the DVD I own. I can usually make it through chair with no problems since it's geared for seniors and works with my joint limitations, but I'm finally getting to the point where I can make it through the DVD pieces except for the last, hardest poses like side arm plank. Before now I either held a physically demanding job (vet tech, stable hand, etc), or lived in NYC where daily stairs, walking, and hauling groceries kept me in decent shape. 

At this point I almost want to take a job at Shop Rite or anywhere that would keep me active just for the sake of having a reason to get up, shower, move around, and lose weight since I feel like I'm stagnating in every way possible. Then I have to remind myself that I'm no longer 20 years old. With 5 abdominal surgeries since then, including 2 hernias, I can't lift anything over 30 pounds without risking a new hernia. My knees are arthritic so getting down on the floor and scrubbing is possible but slow and painful. 

And then there are the lack of benefits to consider, poor pay, likely poor management, and the general verbal and mental abuse that all too often accompanies these jobs. I had one veterinarian boss who told me I could hold the animals better if I had bigger boobs while he was reaching between them to treat a rabbit, made me do house repairs and mow the lawn (far outside my job description), and generally verbally abused all of the staff whenever he and his wife were fighting since he couldn't yell directly at her at that moment. That was fun /s.

Yoga is exercise, teaches me to breathe, and gives some minimal peace at times when I despair of finding something I feel fulfilled at again. I may not have heard from the library about that job, which doesn't bode well, but I can let go of the anger. I can work up to the side arm plank, breathe, and get in better shape for whatever my future holds.

 My dad's ok, although no improvement yet. We shall see if the next few days are better.

On another note, I've been watching Squid Game about one episode per night. If anyone is bothered by violence I would not recommend this series, but the plot is very interesting and captured my attention even with having to pay closer attention than English-speaking shows because of the subtitles. Tonight I watched Ggangbu, and was sobbing at the end. And it's not even the end of the whole series!

Of course I'll continue watching, but there aren't many shows I've found recently that are so well-acted and touch so many human issues on a real level. To me it's quite an achievement and I can see how there was such buzz about this when it aired on Netflix.

Tomorrow my dad goes for another corticosteroid shot in his lumbar spinal area for ongoing pain that's plagued him for almost two years now. I honestly don't know how he has lasted through it, since he rates the pain between 5 and 9 on any given day, and he walks bent to the left now. Chronic pain is something I'm all too familiar with from my surgery scar tissue and I know how wearing it is on the body and mind. For someone who is used to being healthy, suffering quietly while doing the doctor rounds to try and get relief is something very few are capable of doing.

I certainly hope this does some good, even if the last round wasn't helpful for long, and that some sort of permanent solution is possible. Either way, I do admire his persistence and resilience in the face of setbacks, and take some life lessons from that.

Tomorrow the clocks go back for the annual early darkness event and my mom and many others are already lamenting the change. I'm one of the few who actually look forward to it. Shorter days mean that I don't have to feel as guilty about not being very productive, and it seems like time goes faster. Back when I was working I didn't feel like I had to run out of work to try and catch daylight activities; if I left at 5pm or 8pm it would still be dark, so it was easier to call a natural end to the workday when I could finish a request on a more flexible timeline.

I also have a good month of waiting ahead of me, so I'm hoping time does go faster. I sat for the interview on Monday, and I think it went well. Nothing spectacular, since I'm always trying to shoehorn corporate experience into a public library mindset, and I had to think fast for questions about supervising since I officially had no direct reports in most of my jobs, but it was a productive conversation.

I know they're continuing interviews on Nov. 10th and considering the upcoming holidays I'll be lucky if I get a notice of rejection between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If they do pick me, I may hear before Thanksgiving. Either way I have a last few weeks of time to finish the piece I'm sewing, continue with chair yoga, and rest as much as possible. Going back to the workforce is scary in certain ways, but this time of year might be the best time for me to do so, when things are slower, I can get the lay of the land, and hopefully find that this job, or perhaps another one, fits me well enough that I want to stay.