My goal this week is to become a pincushion. It sounds strange, but this morning I had to get blood drawn in preparation for next week's check-up with my endocrinologist, Thursday morning I have an appointment at CVS for the flu shot and the new Covid booster, and I called to schedule my third Gardasil shot for the end of November. It's funny how things like this cluster and I'm fully expecting to feel like crap this weekend from the after-booster effect, but it will be worth it to know I'll be as safe as I can be from Covid for the holiday season.

Even though the summer is definitely over and fall is on its way I'm getting all of the mundane parts of life lined up and starting to think about next year. Since I'm new at the job I didn't plan any vacations, but it's time to start thinking about maybe taking a week next year and going somewhere for the first time since 2018. I can't believe it will have been 5 years since I had a real vacation, but that's what happens when my world crumbles and then the rest of the world stops for two years from a pandemic.

Part of me really wants to go somewhere in Asia. Hong Kong has been on my mind a lot lately, and while I wouldn't go back there because it's now really controlled by China, I would love to experience somewhere else in that part of the world. Europe is also high on my list of places to go since there's just so much to see there, and it's easier to get there, but I really don't know. Luckily I have lots of time to dream and plan!

Touring any place is definitely key to whether the environment and attitude will fit your personality. It's not the only thing that matters, of course, but I've learned not to discount that gut feeling of whether you belong there. It helped me make my decision where to go to undergrad in upstate New York, which I loved.  And I know that I disregarded the unease I felt touring the campus where I went to grad school. Those ended up being two rather awful years, especially for my mental health, and I realized I should have listened to that uncomfortable nagging in the back of my head that the South was not for me.

 The real estate agent who is in charge of renting in the complex where I lived in 2004-2005 finally had something open up, so Friday morning I got up early and went to meet her, and it really was almost like coming home. The apartment she was showing was a HUGE 2 bed 2 bath but the brightness of the unit, the cleanliness of the grounds, the obvious care so many residents have for their patios/balconies bursting with plants, all mean that this is somewhere people like to live. 

So I gave my best pitch as the ideal tenant (which honestly as long as I stay sober I will be), and explained that while I do work from home a one bedroom would be plenty of space just for me. You seriously could fit a small family in that 2 bed apartment, and especially as I'm relocating from a NYC studio I barely have enough to sparsely furnish a one bedroom apartment. I don't even have a damn couch or desk!

But I loved it. I know the area pretty well still from living there before and it's even better now as an Acme and Whole Foods have replaced the A&P and Pathmark that used to be there. They're even walking distance for christ's sake, which in NJ is a big deal since NOTHING in the suburbs is walking distance. 

I think she liked me as well, and gave me the realtor listing with the link to a pre-screening service they use which I filled out today. Once my credit score comes back I'll likely be near the top of the waiting list so I will have a leg up on other renters. Most importantly, my gut says that I could truly be at home there, and I'm willing to wait another month or so to make it happen.

There had damn well better be an apartment opening up when I call this week. Prices have stabilized but I notice that landlords are very careful not to drop the prices yet, I guess they're waiting to see if this rumored recession actually materializes. I've only seen rents drop twice in my life, once was the Great Recession and the other was post-Covid lockdown when people were fleeing NYC if they could so it really takes a major shock to the economy before the vacancy rate becomes a burden. 

All of this basically means I may be a fool to rent now before we see which direction things are going in, but my temper is wearing very thin with the constant interruptions and yelling in the house, as well as the constant shade on how I'm not working the proper way (ie they don't want me putting in extra time, take an actual dinner break, etc, but my shift hours don't run in a way that is conducive to that, particularly at the times they insist I eat. And the fact that my mom insists I sit down to eat dinner with them instead of grabbing something quick *sigh*). I just want space and time to myself. And it's reaching the point where I'm willing to spend more than I should so that I can work in peace.

My sister is currently at my aunt's, so I thought I could pitch in a little more around here since I had today off and I know my mom's been tired lately. I have picked up the bad habit of doing less in terms of cooking or chores while my sister is here since some part of me wants my mom to force her to actually contribute, and as long as I pick up the slack my sister will sit on her ass and not even be aware of, or appreciate that we take care of everything for her. She also tends to eat more than her share of whatever I bake, so if I'm making something special for my dad I wait until she's gone so he can have more of it.

So on Saturday I made a lemon meringue pie (my dad's favorite), maple blueberry muffins on Sunday, and made homemade pasta with my dad today and meringue cookies from the leftover egg whites from the pasta. Today alone it was about 3 hours to make the pasta dough, whip the meringue while the dough was resting and slide the cookies in the oven as I rolled out the dough with my dad, and of course cleaning up afterwards. 

We all went for a short walk afterwards as far as my dad's hip allows right now, and my mom starts in about how I was sitting and relaxing most of the day so I need the steps. Um, I was working in the kitchen so she could have a fancy homemade pasta dinner and dessert, wtf? She can praise my sister for unloading the dishwasher occasionally when ordered to do so but can't seem to notice I've been busting my butt for hours this weekend to make her life easier? Things like this are also why I've stopped doing much to help out, as it's rarely appreciated and often actively ignored or downplayed.

I really do look forward to work days since I actually feel valued and that the effort I put forth makes a difference, the opposite of how my family makes me feel. I also realize that this pattern of my sister being the golden child is a lifelong dynamic and it's not going to improve, but that's why I need to move out. I lived through this situation when I was growing up and I can do it again, but I really hope this is the last time I have to live with my parents.