I think I'm set for everyone's gifts this year even though 90% of it was purchased online and I had one package not show up when listed as delivered. I'm crossing my fingers that the replacement makes it here the second time since it's through Uncommon Goods and they only replace once, and it's not something I could easily find in a local store.

I think I'm also one of the few people who, when they have a day off like today for me, spends about five hours Swiffering, mopping the wood floors, scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom tile, and scouring my tub. The last time I did that was Labor Day so I was due yet again for a deep clean, even though it's not exactly fun to do. One of the things that I have always treasured though in my apartments (since I've never owned a house) is that I can keep it clean and enjoy that the floors shine. 

I also find it telling that my dad joked about my plans saying "Come on down when you're done and keep going with our house." My mom and sister, even though one is retired and the other not working just...don't clean. Again, I understand that it's not exactly high on most people's preferred task list, but it probably has been 6 months or more since their house had a serious clean. My dad rarely does it, plus with two new hips and a new knee he's not as mobile as he used to be, my sister is completely dirt-blind to the point where even my mom makes her occasionally clean because it's just gross, and my mom doesn't want to put in the effort. She used to hire a cleaner, but during the pandemic it stopped and she just never hired anyone again since she's expecting pre-pandemic pricing.

Would I do it? Maybe. But I know it's not a permanent solution, it's not my job, and I have enough on my plate WITH my job since I'm the only person left in the family who works. But I've learned to just do me and let the arguments and day-to-day fall to them since they have to live with each other. Me? I enjoy the quiet.

I've put up my little Christmas tree, wrote out my Christmas cards and am just waiting for USPS to deliver more stamps (another 5 hours post-Thanksgiving dinner yesterday), strung the rest of my lights on the stair rail and balcony, and am ready for the holiday minus receipt and wrapping of gifts, so I'm in good shape to go back to work. Somehow around the chaos I get shit done, and the key is set a goal, buckle down and just do it. I do take pride in that since it's obviously not the norm in our family lol.

Performance review went well as per usual. Basically it boiled down to "Keep doing what you're doing" without any particular things they wanted me to improve on. So yay!

Last year I did 4,256 requests, but that was pushing me to my absolute limit. With the bankers discovering I can pretty much give them anything possible in Dealogic because I know the database so well the long/complex requests have mostly fallen to me for the past year or so, hence this year my number was down to 3,300. Plus I consciously slowed down to prevent burnout, but not a word was said about that, so I didn't volunteer it.

I did get confirmation that my colleague who works night shift (barely) with me is not going to be pushed harder to do more, although of course I didn't phrase it that way, just danced around it diplomatically. But now that our Hong Kong researcher is live it's not as much of an issue as it was. So all the way around this new year will likely be better!

So...tomorrow is my performance review, the first since I've deliberately slowed down a bit since I was getting THISCLOSE to burnout again. It should be interesting to see if that makes a difference or even if they've noticed since they let my colleague skate by with 3 requests per day vs. the 17-30 I do. I'm not dreading it, since I think it will be okay (plus finding someone willing to work night shift is fairly rare), but I will be listening extra hard to see if it's mentioned.

In other news, the election shock has passed, although I'm dismayed by his Cabinet nominations. I made pesto pasta today so I can eat for the rest of the week and have dropped another 5 lbs so I'm getting to my goal weight of 140. I can do this; just ignore the news and do the next right thing (to quote Frozen II).

Honestly, I am beyond gutted that somehow people have voted against their best interest because they either 1) believed the lies Trump/Fox News told or 2) went with the "it won't happen to them" and decided to give a convicted felon (and so many other bad things) the Presidential office again.

To a certain degree I get it - they blame Biden for a lot of things like inflation and Harris by association, as well as the general sexist and racist nature of this country, but damn people. All I can do is shout "But he said he was gonna" as the consequences unfold. Either way, I will try to take care of me and hope that he fucks up so badly that they will eventually realize Republicans and Trump in particular are literally trying to take their lives away, so that next time they will vote for what will help rather than hurt them.

It's a bleak scenario, but one that may happen at least. I will hold onto that for now.

I'm still not ok. I can't sleep which really sucks and happens on the regular lately, to the point where my Fitbit is not happy with me, but at least I have Shawshank Redemption on to occupy the time. Tomorrow will probably not be good, or the week, but it is what it is. I went through this rotation in NYC and am repeating, but here I am again. Begging off work to go to the ER from secondary issues and still not having any addressing of the actual problem excepting a basic answer if I'm lucky. And not having the time or insurance to do it properly which still may not fix the actual problem. I have to schedule my primary again since 2 hrs to fall asleep or never at all in a night is not normal.

On Friday night I was working as per usual when I started wheezing. Ok, whatever, it'll go away. 45 minutes later I called a taxi to get to the hospital since it wasn't getting better. As they were bringing me back through the ED I had another chance for a random act of kindness, which as I'm said before I sorely miss that opportunity living here since human interaction is so limited. A man was afraid of the IV the nurse was trying to put in his arm, and I just stopped, looked him in the eye and said "It's fine, just look away, it's a pinch and it will be done. You need this."

And it worked! He held still, and the IV was inserted. I was then led away to a different room, but I certainly hope that he was ok and didn't freak out and elope (which I've seen in NYC EDs where they leave a trail of blood behind from the IV they ripped out of their arm). I hope whatever he had wrong that he has a good chance and was discharged later that night like I was. I didn't get home until almost 1am, and do not want to repeat the experience, but at least one good thing came of that night.