My aunt is getting one of her heart valves replaced today so I'm hoping for good news even though she insists she won't take medication post-surgery. That means she'll likely die soon, but we've all talked to her about it and ultimately it's her choice. You can lead a horse to water and all that, but we can't make her do what's best for her, something I understand intimately since drinking is the same thing for me. You know it's killing you, but you come back to it as a denial of reality.
Since my dad went north yesterday to be with her and take her to the hospital today, I spent yesterday with my mom which is usually a fun time. In many ways I love spending time with my parents, I just don't want to live with them lol. We did lunch at a historic inn in Sea Girt, then headed to Costco to get new glasses and contacts since I finally had my checkup and I do need a new prescription (plus my contacts expired about 3-4 years ago).
While we were at the opticians, she was remarking how much my mom and I look alike, and we absolutely do physically. I got the Irish complexion with a bit of Polish thrown in and we both have the same rounded face. Of course, while I look like her, I have my dad's temperament. If something is broken, I jury rig something to fix it. If something has to be done I go do it rather than procrastinating. When a decision needs to be made, I think about it but make a final choice on a normal timeline. My mom and sister fall on the opposite end of the spectrum, where things are delayed as long as possible and you practically have to force them to make a now-or-never decision.
My mom is always like "I need to hire a cleaning lady" (their house is kind of gross at this point since she doesn't want to clean anymore), "I have to decide on a paint color" (it's been 20 years and no paint has been chosen), etc. I've also never heard a retired person complain more that they have no time to get to these things and I'm like "Um, you're retired. You have more time now than you ever did when you were working and raising me and my sister."
Similarly, when my sister quit her job, it was like "Ok, she's taking a break." Then a year passed, two years passed, she moved back in with my parents and has been there ever since. She comes up with plans "I'll open a breakfast for dinner restaurant" (she can't cook well), "I'll invest in Bitcoin" (that did work out for her), "I'll buy an off-grid house" (this is the person who is afraid of sharp objects and bees, with zero construction experience).
It's a lack of follow through for both of them. To her credit my sister did try to be a normal human being when she took the job at the Fed, but that was required for a set numbers of years post-grad school since they gave her a scholarship that paid for said school. She voiced resentment to that requirement long before her required years were done, and stayed a few years afterwards, but somewhere along the way she let the resentment drive the bus, hence where she quit a fantastic job because she hates being told what to do.
She's afraid of sharp objects as I mentioned, including kitchen knives, but again to her credit she took a course (basically Knives 101) on how to properly handle one. I don't know if Sven, who she was dating at the time, was behind that since he was quite an excellent cook, but she completed the training. Then never practiced using knives, so for the past decade she carves apples with a butter knife, and cooks grains and pasta that don't require chopping. She won't even chop an onion to pop in the grain pot for flavor. Again, lack of follow through where it reaches a certain amount of effort and acknowledgement of the problem then she mentally runs and hides.
It's a similar situation with her refusing to move out of my parents house. She's been there twelve or thirteen years now, refuses to take any regular, full time job since she doesn't want to feel tied down or obligated to an employer, and pays lip service to moving out even though there's been no movement. She's stuck in limbo, kind of an extended adolescence, where she renounced the world of adulting and decided to go back to the butter knife of parents taking care of everything and doing nothing but what she feels like doing at the time.
I don't get it. Truly and sincerely, if I decide I'm getting a job, moving out, adulting, driving, cooking for myself, getting a car, these were non-negotiable. I don't half-ass it, I do it. God knows I have my own flaws, but at least I can say that I follow through like my dad.
