I may have hyperthyroidism, which would explain the anxiety, depression, weight loss, strange eating habits, exhaustion, and shaking that I've experienced over the past 8 months. On Wednesday I'll go for a blood test to figure out if that's the answer that's eluded me for so long. In the meantime, here's another old post since it's almost 5 and I'm just now getting around to posting :).
Originally posted on August 5, 2006:
I slept for 12 hours last night, for the first time in 3 weeks where I was in a non-hotel bed, non-futon, with no earplugs in, simply listening to the crickets until I fell asleep, and waking up to the birds. These are the lazy days of summer that I miss, being able to get this 12 hours of rest with no conflicts, no responsibilities, and no pressure to do anything more than just what I want to do at the time. I know that's not adulthood, and it's immature and stupid to wish that, but regardless, it is the truth.
Today I jumped into the ocean and felt the strong pull of the undertow, my heart beating as I treaded water and kicked over the waves rolling to the shore, and could barely touch my toes to the sand at the bottom. There's something primal about swimming in the ocean that no pool can ever match, the power and challenge in a solely physical dimension that's lacking from the rest of life. It's not about what you know, or how intelligent you are. It's about you knowing your limitations against the strong current, the tides, and knowing when to pull back and swim to shore even though you want nothing more than to stay suspended in the waves forever.
It's hard to imagine that I'm going back to New York City so soon, and my mind veers away from it instinctively. But I know that if I stayed here, things wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be fulfilled, I would be trapped in a different way, and the opportunities wouldn't exist that I have in New York. I just wish that this could last a little longer, a few more days, before I went back to feeling as if I was being pulled by the currents of corporate politics and unfulfilling relationships. I'm still just learning my limitations in the political and emotional world, but maybe one day I'll reach the level I have for knowing my physical limitations.
Originally posted on August 5, 2006:
I slept for 12 hours last night, for the first time in 3 weeks where I was in a non-hotel bed, non-futon, with no earplugs in, simply listening to the crickets until I fell asleep, and waking up to the birds. These are the lazy days of summer that I miss, being able to get this 12 hours of rest with no conflicts, no responsibilities, and no pressure to do anything more than just what I want to do at the time. I know that's not adulthood, and it's immature and stupid to wish that, but regardless, it is the truth.
Today I jumped into the ocean and felt the strong pull of the undertow, my heart beating as I treaded water and kicked over the waves rolling to the shore, and could barely touch my toes to the sand at the bottom. There's something primal about swimming in the ocean that no pool can ever match, the power and challenge in a solely physical dimension that's lacking from the rest of life. It's not about what you know, or how intelligent you are. It's about you knowing your limitations against the strong current, the tides, and knowing when to pull back and swim to shore even though you want nothing more than to stay suspended in the waves forever.
It's hard to imagine that I'm going back to New York City so soon, and my mind veers away from it instinctively. But I know that if I stayed here, things wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be fulfilled, I would be trapped in a different way, and the opportunities wouldn't exist that I have in New York. I just wish that this could last a little longer, a few more days, before I went back to feeling as if I was being pulled by the currents of corporate politics and unfulfilling relationships. I'm still just learning my limitations in the political and emotional world, but maybe one day I'll reach the level I have for knowing my physical limitations.
posted by AnonymousX at 4:54 PM
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