Originally posted on September 12, 2006
As I was walking home last night around 12:30 (since my captain put me up last in the match and I lost miserably since I was so sore and tired from moving my furniture that I could barely think, let alone move), I glanced up at 88th St. to see the beams of light from Ground Zero, commemorating the 5 year anniversary. A flood of emotion filled me, sadness, anger, loneliness, nostalgia for how things used to be, and a realization that despite everything that's happened to the world, to myself, and to the things we touch and interact with, I'm still here. I'm still walking forward, one step at a time in New York City, pushing through my fatigue, my faults, and my need for more that is never satisfied.
I am thankful for the support I have, for the fact that there are many who care about me, even though they may not be physically here in the city. Forget the ones who I most wanted to care about me; I can't change them or alter their inability to deal with emotions and be honest or care for more than convenience. Remember those who have supported me, worried about me, and wanted to see the best for me, even when I was hellbent on making sure there would be no happy ending in my situation.
Growing up seems to remove much of the capacity for happiness that we had as a child. We see much more, experience things much deeper, and realize what can be lost along the way. However, growing up has also let me increase my empathy for others, to be perceptive and help others out the way I wish I would be helped, and slowly I'm learning who to trust and who to be careful around.
As I was walking home last night around 12:30 (since my captain put me up last in the match and I lost miserably since I was so sore and tired from moving my furniture that I could barely think, let alone move), I glanced up at 88th St. to see the beams of light from Ground Zero, commemorating the 5 year anniversary. A flood of emotion filled me, sadness, anger, loneliness, nostalgia for how things used to be, and a realization that despite everything that's happened to the world, to myself, and to the things we touch and interact with, I'm still here. I'm still walking forward, one step at a time in New York City, pushing through my fatigue, my faults, and my need for more that is never satisfied.
I am thankful for the support I have, for the fact that there are many who care about me, even though they may not be physically here in the city. Forget the ones who I most wanted to care about me; I can't change them or alter their inability to deal with emotions and be honest or care for more than convenience. Remember those who have supported me, worried about me, and wanted to see the best for me, even when I was hellbent on making sure there would be no happy ending in my situation.
Growing up seems to remove much of the capacity for happiness that we had as a child. We see much more, experience things much deeper, and realize what can be lost along the way. However, growing up has also let me increase my empathy for others, to be perceptive and help others out the way I wish I would be helped, and slowly I'm learning who to trust and who to be careful around.
posted by AnonymousX at 2:26 PM
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