Ok, I spoke too soon. Two more people gone out of a total of 12, and we're back to doing workflow on a rotating basis and it hurt. I took a day off to cry and emote and let all of the pent-up angst come through, since I wasn't laid off, but knowing those who were and knowing how tenuous a job can be in this world (not like that's news, but knowing it and seeing it is different).

I made it through alright, and heard from others that things are as tense on their side. I know that things are the same, and I'm working to stay positive, but I also remind myself that this is growing up. This is how it should be, and anything on top is gravy.

This week has been hard for that, since we were blindsided by someone on maternity leave basically been let go, but I hope this will be the last for a while. Time to hang on, look for the best, and move on.

Made it through another round of layoffs; sadly, we lost a person who I truly enjoyed working with. She was old enough to be my mother, but we have the same sense of humor and was fun and generous to work with (she let me steal her chips & guacamole). We would constantly tease each other about the fact that I could be her daughter, yet we had a wonderful professional rapport.

On the plus side, my evaluation went quite well, so I'm probably safe for at least another couple of months before the next round of layoffs. What's going on with the economy truly scares me because I know that the worst is probably still to come - throwing money at a problem doesn't solve it if that money is not structured and spent well, and so far I've been horrified at the lack of responsibility involved with all efforts to fix the economy so far.

The bright spot is tomorrow, appropriately the day after MLK Day, when Obama can hopefully right what's gone wrong, or at least start making progress on a real recovery; a return to fiscal responsibility.

Today I finally also cleaned the majority of my apartment, which I haven't done a full cleaning of in 2 years. 3 bags of garbage later, and I finally have a relatively clean main room (I was not moving furniture, but everything not too heavy to move was cleaned under; that's only for when I move out). The fact that I've finally done the cleaning I've looked at so many days and only been able to muster apathy for is also a good sign, since I may be heading back to where I'm actively moving forward, not just running to stand still, afraid of all that's ahead.

On the agenda for 2009, stopping smoking, limiting drinking, keeping my apartment clean, and keep my job! I'll tackle them one at a time, smoking & drinking first (plus, you know, the ongoing job thing). Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.

And...it's performance review time! After almost 2 and a half years I'll finally get a real review, which (sadly), I'm excited about. I work well without mismanagement, but I do appreciate occasional feedback, which has been rather sparse from the top. I've managed to relax a bit after the new year (one of my resolutions), and while watching the creeping unemployment rate, I'm hoping to keep it that way as long as I keep my job.

Small steps forward; work for a good performance review, ignore the probable no bonus, and keep on keeping on. Things will work out, and I have a back-up with my parents at least. It could definitely be worse.

Happy New Year, all few people who read my blog! 

Every year I'm reminded of Counting Crows' lyrics from A Long December. 

 "And it's been a long December, and there's reason to believe this year may be better than the last." 

 Not a statement, but a wish, since no one knows what awaits in the future. I'm shocked to find that the year has gone by so fast. I suppose what they say is true that the older you are, the faster the years go. This year especially I looked back to say where DID the year go? I'm holding hope for the new year, waiting for an upswing, and hoping that all goes well. This year's resolutions: stop smoking, and be more optimistic!