Slow day at work today which is nice, and yet I still got over 10 requests done, which is pretty much my benchmark for an average day. The cookies were a big hit again this year, and as the new year is getting close to starting, I'm thinking of resolving to lose at least 10 pounds. I usually don't do new years resolutions, so this is different from what has come before.
I'm trying to think back to when I stopped making resolutions, and I think it happened in grad school. So many things had gone wrong and things seemed so hopeless that I just gave up on a lot of things, including trying to plan for the future in any meaningful way besides career (I was fully determined to graduate though, even with having mono twice in one semester for about 6 months total).
I've always put my work ahead of myself, and considering I started working when I was 14 that's saying a lot. I look back on my Social Security statement and every year since then I've had SS eligible income, with the exception of one year I was getting college credit for working in the lab, and one year I was fully on scholarship (apparently doesn't count toward SS, which I was surprised to find out). I think part of my frustration is that despite all of this, I just don't have the earning power I wanted.
Like everything else, it's pretty much my fault. I chose a field that doesn't make much compared to high-earning professions, and the benefits that used to offset lower paying occupations like teacher, police, etc, have been gutted, leaving me with a constant current of dissatisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I love that I learn something new every single day and that I know I'm extraordinarily good at what I do, but it would be nice to know that I'm being compensated fairly for the work I do at twice the rate of my colleagues.
What I would like most, however, is to have a fulfilling life outside of work. I've immersed myself in my job so long that making contacts outside of that is difficult. That's another thing I'm hoping to rectify next year, and hopefully I'll meet someone good, someone who I really relate to, and can help me break out of the shell I've put around my life to protect me from the emotional tsunami that has defined the past 5 years. I have to remind myself; there's always hope.
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