Today we celebrated the birthday of my father's goddaughter. I've known her since she was born although naturally as I went off to college and spent less time with my parents, I spent less time with her as well. Now she also lives in New York, so we all gathered for dinner.

Her father died two years ago, suddenly, from a cancer that had metastasized, and only had about nine months to live when they found it. He lived to see her graduate, and that was the last milestone in her life he would ever witness alive. Since then she's managed incredibly well, gotten a stable job, found a boyfriend she seems happy with, and overall moved on with her life; something I greatly respect her for.

I have another friend who lost her father to a common disease that was misdiagnosed for years, so that when they finally did find the actual cause, it was too late. She too has endured through this pain, soldiered forth, and continued to find a mostly fulfilling life despite life's setbacks.

Why am I threatened by this? It's the innate fear that I wouldn't be able to handle things of this nature; that I would break instead of bending. Lately things are going better, but the stress of everyday life is enough that I can't let myself imagine dealing with something of that magnitude on top of the normal stresses and sorrows. Maybe that's something that's true; maybe not. There have been many people who, when faced with minimal stresses breakdown, but when the larger challenges occur, they rise admirably to the occasion. I hope I would be one of those. I hope never to have to find out, although I know in our lives family members' deaths and other large issues are inevitable.

I don't know. I find myself admitting that a lot more nowadays since I've had a recent reminder of just how uncertain things are and how suddenly things can change. I only hope that if something of this magnitude happens, I can rise to the occasion, not just in the immediate, but over the years that follow as well as those I know have. I don't think that's a frivolous thing to wish.