Sewing has been my refuge in certain ways.  When I know that I have a certain project to finish, then I can focus on getting that done, although not during my work hours of course.  Along with the prep for the upcoming weddings, I have projects that I have to finish within deadlines, knowing that probably the people I sew them for have no idea how many hours (approximately 40 hours for a detailed  5x7 at least, depending on the pattern; about 9 months for a large piece since this isn't my job & I do it on my time off) I put into this and how little I know friends appreciate it  through experience.  I think I'm a glutton for punishment, but I keep sewing.  It's still the most personal gift I can give.

It's been a long, strange weekend. Work has been quiet for the most part, the pool season's over, and yet I'm restless.  Maybe it's because I'm used to the excitement that comes with a busy queue at work, maybe because I'm used to the low-level pressure that exists with living in Manhattan.  Maybe it's demons from the past.

I'm taking time, trying to relax, knowing that this lull won't last, and readying for the 2 upcoming weddings/showers/etc. Why is this so difficult?  I don't have an answer for that, just the underlying baseline stress that's in my genes.

It's been a long time yet again.  Reorganizations, loss and additions of personnel, and all I can think is that I'm lucky that I am still in the same place with colleagues who I trust. In corporate America nowadays if you can say things are at least working toward functionality it is a definitive positive.

As for my personal life, it's reached the point where most of my friends who will marry are doing so, even though in my case I've given up any marriage/relationship towards just maintaining myself and the stress and dealing that I've fallen mostly out of touch with those who are marrying, much to my regret.

There's too much to take in now, too much to say, and far too much to share publicly, but at least I'm here, I'm making a good effort, and hopefully in time I can regroup and work on making some changes that don't depend on my job.  I'm ok with that.