I have to admit that I'm very lucky to have the family I do in terms of support, but there are times when it can be exhausting.  From mid-September through this weekend I've had obligations every weekend except for two, which is great because I get to catch up with all of my cousins i don't see too often, but is exhausting around my work schedule since they all live in Jersey.  Considering the holidays are basically around the corner, I figure I'm not really going to get a break until January, but at least I've managed to keep up some energy and perform well at work despite being tired.

I wish I could say it was strange that pushing myself to do well despite being exhausted was new, but time has taught me that my energy level will probably always be sub-par.  Part of it also is knowing that in some ways, the lack of variance in my daily life is frustrating and energy-sapping.  Everyone experiences this in terms of being in the same job, having their daily routine, etc, but especially having experienced for the first time in many years the excitement that motivated me to really get up early and enjoy life, I feel like something's missing.

I realize, of course, that vacations are just that for a reason, but some part of me yearns to feel that kind of time to do what I want to do.  Spending 8-10 hours in front of a desk at the computer quite frankly sucks, but in today's world, no matter what field I am in, seems to be part of the current workforce paradigm. I don't know if there's a solution to this, but at least I had a break to run and play, to enjoy having the freedom to break from that for a while.  I need to find an outlet here; one that I can burn off the inactivity and frustration from office life, but that doesn't cost an arm and a leg in the city!  New goal, I suppose.