People tell you that it gets better as you get older, and in certain ways that is true. However, other things seem to balance the scale; unsurprising since life does seem to have certain scales that rock back and forth depending on the day, week, month, etc as an aggregate. This is not to say that there are those with notable strings of undeserved pain or odd runs of luck, but the world as a whole seems to have some average level.
I keep telling myself that since I've known both those who were abnormally lucky or unlucky, and have seen their reactions to the course of their lives. Some understand that they've been dealt a relatively bad or good hand compared to the average person, and those people tend to be the most grounded. The others either exploit the good luck and look down on those they feel just haven't tried hard enough or they would be on the plus side, or those who have simply given up faced with the trials they have experienced. The rest of us? We move on as best we can, accepting good and bad luck as we go and trying to make the best of what's thrown at us.
Some people believe in God, some in fate, some in nothing at all. After what I've been through in my scant 30-some years, I still don't have answers. I know there are certain things that can improve or damage my life, the things I have control over. I also acknowledge that there are so many external factors that at any one time someone could hit the lottery and never have to worry about money again, or be hit by a drunk driver and end up in a wheelchair or worse for life. I've experienced the helplessness of being bedridden and almost dying, the exhilaration of landing a coveted job, the hopelessness of being at the bottom and having everything taken away from me, and the contented feeling of being financially secure.
Most of all, I can't quite shake the worry and anxiety of not knowing what could lie in wait since I've seen many things that I don't think I could deal with. In some ways I'm stronger for having been through certain life experiences, in other ways I'm made more vulnerable by them. For those with charmed lives, they don't understand what it's like to be helpless or hopeless, to have no options available to impact your life and try to bring it in a positive direction. To know that you're saddled with a disease that can recur at any time or to be fearful enough that stepping outside requires the willpower of a warrior because you can barely shower or sleep.
Have I learned anything? Absolutely. I've learned that no matter what, you push through difficulties, knowing that you may still fail. When you can't make it, you just hold on to where you are, clinging with your fingernails as long as you can to finally hit solid ground again. I guess what I'm saying is that things are kind of tough right now, and have been for a while, but since I've suffered here before, I have resources and strength I can call on that didn't exist in past times. I think maybe, just maybe, I may have reached a point where I can look outside, acknowledge my own and others' difficulties, and put things in perspective intellectually to try and ease the subjective situation. I think that's progress.
I keep telling myself that since I've known both those who were abnormally lucky or unlucky, and have seen their reactions to the course of their lives. Some understand that they've been dealt a relatively bad or good hand compared to the average person, and those people tend to be the most grounded. The others either exploit the good luck and look down on those they feel just haven't tried hard enough or they would be on the plus side, or those who have simply given up faced with the trials they have experienced. The rest of us? We move on as best we can, accepting good and bad luck as we go and trying to make the best of what's thrown at us.
Some people believe in God, some in fate, some in nothing at all. After what I've been through in my scant 30-some years, I still don't have answers. I know there are certain things that can improve or damage my life, the things I have control over. I also acknowledge that there are so many external factors that at any one time someone could hit the lottery and never have to worry about money again, or be hit by a drunk driver and end up in a wheelchair or worse for life. I've experienced the helplessness of being bedridden and almost dying, the exhilaration of landing a coveted job, the hopelessness of being at the bottom and having everything taken away from me, and the contented feeling of being financially secure.
Most of all, I can't quite shake the worry and anxiety of not knowing what could lie in wait since I've seen many things that I don't think I could deal with. In some ways I'm stronger for having been through certain life experiences, in other ways I'm made more vulnerable by them. For those with charmed lives, they don't understand what it's like to be helpless or hopeless, to have no options available to impact your life and try to bring it in a positive direction. To know that you're saddled with a disease that can recur at any time or to be fearful enough that stepping outside requires the willpower of a warrior because you can barely shower or sleep.
Have I learned anything? Absolutely. I've learned that no matter what, you push through difficulties, knowing that you may still fail. When you can't make it, you just hold on to where you are, clinging with your fingernails as long as you can to finally hit solid ground again. I guess what I'm saying is that things are kind of tough right now, and have been for a while, but since I've suffered here before, I have resources and strength I can call on that didn't exist in past times. I think maybe, just maybe, I may have reached a point where I can look outside, acknowledge my own and others' difficulties, and put things in perspective intellectually to try and ease the subjective situation. I think that's progress.
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