I should know better. All four of us for more than two days is toxic to me.
I came within a hair of slapping my sister, and she of slapping me this weekend. I lasted until Saturday night when after listening to her Pollyanna bullshit while touting throwing away a job most people would kill for, as well as her "optimism" that every disease can be in permanent remission including Crohn's and diabetes (widely known as chronic diseases that can be managed but will have occasional flare-ups) I lost it.
After that blowup, then my Dad gets involved about why he feels he can't talk to me about things since I'm usually on the defensive. Not only does he name 4 of the most offensive things he's said to me over the past 6 months that HE APPARENTLY KNEW UPSET ME, he blames me for being hard to approach regarding those topics. My suggestion? If you notice that you said something I obviously took offense to, maybe you should ask if we should talk about it sooner or later depending on if we're in private or public, or if we should discuss it later once I've cooled down and/or not in public so you don't just leave me feeling that you've insulted me and my character yet again?
By the way, airing this in front of my entire family including my sister, and including verbatim how he compares and belittles my conditions and experiences versus my sister's even caused her to exclaim a few times "He said THAT?" Yes. Yes he did. And more than once.
I can fake it. I can (and have) pretended in front of my family for years about the damage they have done to my psyche, but this time there was so much intertwined between my father's judgements, the current and past situations of the two of us, and his (granted) somewhat unintentional playing the two of us off each other for achievements.
There's my sister's eschewment of her current level of an achievement which most of us will never reach, going instead for (to say the least) a nebulous goal, which is met with support; whereas as I'll I've heard for years is how I should have made different choices and it's not too late despite a relatively high level of success myself which is depressing to hear pounded into your head over and over again. There's the equation that my sister's health issue, which does require monitoring but isn't a daily battle for every fucking day, month, and year of her life, somehow trumps my currently multiple issues even though he has very little experience in any of them, so I should just look to her for inspiration at how she's an optimist. She backs this up that everything can just be cured by diet, willpower, and optimism, by the way, which is so very helpful.
Same issues as always, but magnified. So I made everyone but my father cry; Christmas of 2007 all over again. He thanked me for airing it afterwards but I know better. Things won't change.
Smiling mask prepping for next encounter.
Happy fucking Father's Day.
I came within a hair of slapping my sister, and she of slapping me this weekend. I lasted until Saturday night when after listening to her Pollyanna bullshit while touting throwing away a job most people would kill for, as well as her "optimism" that every disease can be in permanent remission including Crohn's and diabetes (widely known as chronic diseases that can be managed but will have occasional flare-ups) I lost it.
After that blowup, then my Dad gets involved about why he feels he can't talk to me about things since I'm usually on the defensive. Not only does he name 4 of the most offensive things he's said to me over the past 6 months that HE APPARENTLY KNEW UPSET ME, he blames me for being hard to approach regarding those topics. My suggestion? If you notice that you said something I obviously took offense to, maybe you should ask if we should talk about it sooner or later depending on if we're in private or public, or if we should discuss it later once I've cooled down and/or not in public so you don't just leave me feeling that you've insulted me and my character yet again?
By the way, airing this in front of my entire family including my sister, and including verbatim how he compares and belittles my conditions and experiences versus my sister's even caused her to exclaim a few times "He said THAT?" Yes. Yes he did. And more than once.
I can fake it. I can (and have) pretended in front of my family for years about the damage they have done to my psyche, but this time there was so much intertwined between my father's judgements, the current and past situations of the two of us, and his (granted) somewhat unintentional playing the two of us off each other for achievements.
There's my sister's eschewment of her current level of an achievement which most of us will never reach, going instead for (to say the least) a nebulous goal, which is met with support; whereas as I'll I've heard for years is how I should have made different choices and it's not too late despite a relatively high level of success myself which is depressing to hear pounded into your head over and over again. There's the equation that my sister's health issue, which does require monitoring but isn't a daily battle for every fucking day, month, and year of her life, somehow trumps my currently multiple issues even though he has very little experience in any of them, so I should just look to her for inspiration at how she's an optimist. She backs this up that everything can just be cured by diet, willpower, and optimism, by the way, which is so very helpful.
Same issues as always, but magnified. So I made everyone but my father cry; Christmas of 2007 all over again. He thanked me for airing it afterwards but I know better. Things won't change.
Smiling mask prepping for next encounter.
Happy fucking Father's Day.
posted by AnonymousX at 8:01 PM
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