There are times when you try and make things better, but just make things worse.  I've had arthritis in my knees since I was 22, and the antibiotic prescribed to me on Sunday caused muscle spasms and weakness on top of that.  On Monday I took a fall on the stairs when my knee failed, leading to some spectacular bruises. Tuesday I worked from home since I didn't trust my muscles, and finally just stopped taking the antibiotic early. 24 hours later I feel SO much better, where it's just regular arthritis, not some sort of twitchy weird weakness and I'm willing to take the chance of not 100% clearing the infection if it means I can get to work, back down the apartment and subway steps without having to act like an old granny and even then worrying I'd fall again.

As I've mentioned before, it seems like life seems to enjoy smacking me in the face as often as possible even though I'm trying to improve, and trying to at least mitigate some of the crap that's happened in the past few months.  Tomorrow I go home for the weekend for Father's Day.  God knows what that will bring even though past experiences this year haven't promised much, but I'm trying not to be too scared of the judgement and misguided advice that seems to follow each encounter. Actually, I'm counting down until the next put-down from my father or sister (totally in good intentions of course; why would I be offended?!) which is practically inevitable.

It's necessary.  I have to at least make the effort to attend family events, but I feel more and more distant every time I'm disappointed.  I guess I'll see if they manage yet again to make me feel terrible when I'm trying so hard to at least feel like I'm treading water, not going under.