Today I got that thing I mentioned yesterday, that little improvement despite physically feeling terrible because I was pretty sure that my infection hadn't cleared up.  Today there was no doubt, but luckily I already had a follow-up planned with my doctor for something else, so now I can get both problems addressed.

I think part of what made me realize I may have turned the corner was dealing with that awful vendor. For months, passive doesn't adequately express how I got through the day; it was more like sleepwalking (but unfortunately without the sleep).  Maybe it was having the loving support all weekend of a wonderful friend.  Maybe it was finally hashing everything out with my Mom and letting her know that not only do I not want to deal with my father or sister for the foreseeable future, but that I was angry at her for not supporting me because she naturally tries to avoid conflict.

Whatever it was, I finally felt able to be the person I remember myself as in the past.  I didn't give in at all to his pressure sales, I was confident about what I could and should say to tease a price without showing any of my cards.  I forced him to wrap up when it was obvious this would go nowhere and he couldn't give me the hard sell.

Did I make it to that concert?  No.  Did I make it to pool?  No.  But tomorrow I'll move forward on trying to make myself healthier in every way, although I'm not ready for major changes in my lifestyle.  At least now I can see something positive turning on in myself again and while I know it won't be a smooth ride, I think I'm going in the right direction for the first time in about eight months.  It's about goddamn time.