Oddly enough, even though things objectively haven't changed, subjectively it's getting better. I'm more competent at work. I can deal with things better even though objectively they still pretty much suck in some ways. That shift that I spoke about happened. It's still a series of good days, okay days, and bad days, but the bad days aren't dominating.

For now, that's good enough I guess. I'm trying to make plans for the future and organize my life but it's still difficult to do so. I know two people who have decided to make drastic changes in their life, which makes me think in terms of how I know that I'm in a position that drives my blood pressure through the roof, but that's the best option I have without starting all over again.

I don't have the energy to do that. I don't have the drive. I need to feel that something's secure in my life which is my job and my apartment, after dealing with all of what has happened over the past years. I do have respect for those who make that shift, but for me, it's not even something I can even contemplate right now.