I haven't written because I don't know what to write. I've transferred to a private Word file since I know what I really want to say isn't something I want publicly available (I've learned that lesson the hard way).
Tonight I write because I'm finally getting out of the drag in my own head and realizing that I should focus on the REAL whole picture. The verdict on Garner was not a surprise, but having someone I care about involved, however peripherally, makes a huge difference. I'm still tired. I still have major issues with my job and my life as it is. But it's leaps and bounds better than what's happening tonight, and the juxtaposition of the Rockefeller Tree lighting along with the Garner protests expresses better than I ever could as to how life will often rock with changes that test your limits.
There reaches a flashpoint when everything boils over; when anger, shame, and resentment takes over your life. There are things that happen to paralyze you since you have no other frame of reference and it feels like everything stops, even your breath. There are the general sympathizers and general apologists who hedge the line. And there are those who are completely blind or unwilling to empathize with what has happened.
Most of all, there are the flames, mostly metaphorical and unfortunately sometimes literal. When something so traumatic has occurred, there are times when everything bursts into flame. Sometimes it's a self-immolation. Sometimes it becomes a metaphorical expression as with Garner. Sometimes, as in Ferguson, the flames become literal and Catching Fire isn't just a novel's title.
It could be the Garner case, it could be the life you live that you try to mitigate as much as you can, it could be the observation of the world as we know it that sets us off. You see it many times. Protests, violent or not. School shootings. General meltdowns. All of these touch that flashpoint, but it's how you respond that matters for yourself. You have no control over others, only the hope that someday, in your hour of need, some small positive light in your mind douses the burgeoning fire before that flashpoint.
Tonight I write because I'm finally getting out of the drag in my own head and realizing that I should focus on the REAL whole picture. The verdict on Garner was not a surprise, but having someone I care about involved, however peripherally, makes a huge difference. I'm still tired. I still have major issues with my job and my life as it is. But it's leaps and bounds better than what's happening tonight, and the juxtaposition of the Rockefeller Tree lighting along with the Garner protests expresses better than I ever could as to how life will often rock with changes that test your limits.
There reaches a flashpoint when everything boils over; when anger, shame, and resentment takes over your life. There are things that happen to paralyze you since you have no other frame of reference and it feels like everything stops, even your breath. There are the general sympathizers and general apologists who hedge the line. And there are those who are completely blind or unwilling to empathize with what has happened.
Most of all, there are the flames, mostly metaphorical and unfortunately sometimes literal. When something so traumatic has occurred, there are times when everything bursts into flame. Sometimes it's a self-immolation. Sometimes it becomes a metaphorical expression as with Garner. Sometimes, as in Ferguson, the flames become literal and Catching Fire isn't just a novel's title.
It could be the Garner case, it could be the life you live that you try to mitigate as much as you can, it could be the observation of the world as we know it that sets us off. You see it many times. Protests, violent or not. School shootings. General meltdowns. All of these touch that flashpoint, but it's how you respond that matters for yourself. You have no control over others, only the hope that someday, in your hour of need, some small positive light in your mind douses the burgeoning fire before that flashpoint.
posted by AnonymousX at 9:52 PM
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