I  know this is far from current news, in fact it's been almost a year since he died, but I'm watching Catching Fire again and it's bittersweet to see Philip Seymour Hoffman.  I first remember seeing him in Boogie Nights and noticed the quality of his acting despite it being a relatively minor role.  After he was on my radar though, I could truly appreciate the amazing talent he had to act any part, from empathetic hospice nurse Phil in Magnolia, volatile Dean in Punch Drunk Love, (yes, I do love PTA movies, thank you) to vulnerable Capote, along with so many other incredibly well-played roles.

I completely respect the man for his art.  There are "character actors" (read: not attractive but great talents) who are well-known in Hollywood, but aren't often cast as leads.  Yet they draw you in to their character with complete believability in every role they've done. Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly, and William Fichtner make my list of those who can be whatever is required and never make you doubt the plausibility of their current incarnation.  To know that Mockingjay will be the last film he will be in still saddens me.

I do not condemn him for the manner of his death. I saw him one time smoking outside the Waldorf and the first thing that struck me was the blank look in his eyes, his face unshaven, and mind obviously elsewhere. Of course this was at least 5 years ago, but even then I wondered why he was alone and seemed so out of touch with the world passing him on the sidewalk. I had no idea about his past with addiction and depression so I didn't realize this was probably very common for him, but in hindsight it's obvious he really wasn't doing well at the time.

I understand the desire to be the one ducking out the side door, giving yourself a chance to let the smile fade, let your eyes just stare at nothing, and even if you're on the busy NYC streets, knowing that you can let yourself look as devastated as you feel inside without any intrusions, despite all of the people around.  I understand addiction and how hard it can be to even improve, let alone abstain from your vices once and for all.  As much as I disagree with AA and NA in many ways, one thing that they have correct is that you will always be recovering, never recovered.  The saddest fact is that statement applies to depression as well, and when one condition relapses, often the other does as well.

I know many people vilified him because he left behind a family, but I really believe that it was an accidental death.  Did he want to escape from the pain he was feeling? Absolutely.  Was he planning on overdosing?  Doubtful, at least in my opinion.  Every time I see him on the screen, yes, of course he's acting whatever emotion is required. But I will always remember my one sighting of the actual man and his empty expression, the difficulties he was facing, and that he continued to fight as long as he did, leaving a tragic but great legacy.