Thursday, February 26, 2015

I swept a 4.  To most people this term would mean nothing, but for the subset of New Yorkers who play APA, those are the only words you need to convey the feeling of victory and pride for the night.  APA is the American Pool Association, and I've been playing on teams for eight years here, seven of which have been on the same team. I was even captain for a year, even though leadership is generally anathema to me.

One of the saving graces since I've come to the city is this league, since it's been the major social outlet for me.  My hobbies since middle school have always been sewing and pool, one very solo, one very dependent on meeting new people and expanding my experiences outside my apartment. It's one of the only things where I was willing to put aside my aversion to leading, my self-consciousness, and my general instinct to minimize my contribution to a team; where I stepped up because I was finally confident enough to do so.

I have time ahead of me.  I've moved into a co-captain role as life events haven't left me enough time or energy to properly be THE captain, but I'm getting to a point where I might be able to do so again if needed.  I have more optimism than I have had in a very long time, which is an amazing achievement for me.  As I've mentioned before, there's the difference between times when you're only seeing life in gray, versus seeing in color. Even beyond color returning, if you're lucky you can perceive every nuanced shade you've missed before, truly appreciating the things and people in life that have sustained you during the gray periods. And finally you might be able to express and elevate the energy that finally has come around again.

Bringing it back to the APA, at the very least having pool as a hobby has gotten me out of the apartment when I normally would huddle inside. It gives me the desire to compete and fight which isn't always there.  It gives me energy to not collapse after the workday, but pick myself up and strike out again.  It gives me confidence that I can win at some things, and even when I lose, there are those who care enough to reassure me and remind me there are other times, other matches, other fights to be won or lost. It's a reality check that I treasure, particularly because NYC can be very lonely.  However, even through something as common as pool you can break out of your shell, obtain a new perspective, and meet some amazing people. I'm immensely grateful for that chance, even though it was an unexpected and positive experience from what is only an incidental hobby.

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