We've crossed one million requests at my job since November 2006 when our tracker was created.  We've been through about 20+ people in that time and I've seen a lot happen.  In some ways, it's unbelievable to me that the current bankers were in high school when I started my career.  Not only that, but they were in their freshman or sophomore collegiate year when the economic crisis really took hold in 2008-2009.  I think they also experienced the relative security of the pre-crisis in their formative stages from 2004-2005 when they entered high school and had to deal with the SATs (I don't think they really do ACTs as much) and were groomed to be those who succeeded.  Then the recession hit, and hit harder than anything since the Great Depression.

Those who graduated in 2012-2013 were lucky compared to those who graduated 2008-2011 where job offers were revoked or postponed.  I saw it happen first hand and can only imagine the betrayal those people felt when it was their ideal offer for a first job, but they fell prey to the fact that corporations really don't care at all about promises made.  I had to fight for my promise of a permanent position in the past, expecting the corporate negligence, but these kids couldn't even conceive that there would be such a 180 from what they'd been promised, leaving them with a vague maybe.  Maybe they were the few chosen, hanging for years and finally rewarded, or they were the ones replaced by the new breed coming up post-recession.

Many of them left for other companies, non-profits, start-ups, and any other option they could find, and I can't blame them for it at all.  That fight is tough and there's no guarantee, so it's taking a giant chance, but one that might be worth it.  Having that faith and fight is something worth being proud of, but also something to be wary of in terms of fulfillment. I've seen the other side of the fence, and sometimes it's not at all what you were hoping to have.

Of course, sometimes it's worth it to go find something else if your first impulse or offer doesn't work out, because you might end up in a better place.  It's a roll of the dice. I still wonder what happened to 90% of our 20+ people who left/were not renewed/etc, and what I would have done if I had been in the same situation.  It's all the little ifs in life that occasionally remind myself I'll never know, but that's ok with me.

Again, I know it's been a long time since I posted, and I realize that this is a repeat of the complaints I've made many times, but more than anything I've been tired.  Work is insane and we have zero resources.  Healthcare's been bombarding me at about twice the rate they normally do; to the point where I have to tell them I can't personally handle all of their requests since I just don't have the ability to work on more than 3 things at a time.  I realize that statement is ridiculous in and of itself, but that tends to be my limit.  It's gotten to the point where I'm at the edge of just saying no, and slowing myself down again regardless of demand since I have to put my health first.

I'm still working on my sewing and that tends to calm me outside of work, as well as finding other outlets for the stress.  If I'm in this for the long term, I have to make sure that I have options, breaks, and leeway to not be the constant consultant, the idiot who takes on everything because I feel obligated.  The fact that work isn't getting done is not my fault, and I should not take responsibility for it since it's a departmental, systemic problem.  For now, I just keep going day by day, trying to deal with the inevitable overwork and not to push myself too hard. Habits are hard to break, and this one's been set years ago, but things can change and I'm slowly working toward it.  That's not doing too badly in my estimation.