Life is strange in many ways. When you think that you've worked out a particular problem there's often a new wrinkle to work with. When you're young, you roll with it better. Yet each time you're faced with the unexpected stress of a situation you're not prepared for in any way, shape, or form, reactions vary. For some people they instinctively adapt, some attack the issue, some freeze, some withdraw, and some learn.

I'm a part of the freeze and learn club.

Over time I've learned to acknowledge that most things don't come easily. Do I still freeze? Absolutely, but now I breathe through it and try to mentally reframe so that I don't fall, or if I do, I don't fall as hard. You have to suffer sometimes; things happen that you can’t control, but instead of retreating into your vision of how things should work in your expectations you need to step up.  You also have to accept that you can still step up and fall, even stay down for a bit, but you have to get up again. And again. And again.

It doesn't make life easier. It can make you more resilient by knowing you've been through worse, but also more vulnerable since you're always aware of how fragile the status quo can be. You learn to push on anyway. For me, it's knowing that for now I have relative security with my job and apartment, and most of the things that matter. I've showed up in pain, sick, barely surviving two stops on the subway to the point where others have offered me a seat at the middle of rush hour.

I'm still here, occasionally panicking and freezing but still protecting what I have, learning to work with each situation, and moving forward. And that's the most important thing.