For some reason, SyFy has been running older horror movies, and I'm not talking Frankenstein, The Birds, or The Exorcism. Even Scream (1997) hasn't been aired that I know of, although it was the exception at the time to be an innovative horror movie with a superb surprise ending. To Wes Craven's credit, he has always had the ability to create complex and yes, terrifying movies over four decades. If you have any doubt, see his directorial debut of Last House on the Left. Not the remake, the original. I will never watch it again, and that's saying a lot.

I'm talking about the cheesy films that were made during the mid to late 90s that I saw when I was in high school and early college. The one showing right now is I Know What You Did Last Summer, which I remember was terribly bad the first time I saw it. It did nothing for the horror genre; it was just your predictable occasional gore-fest as defined at the time, starring pretty young things that die one by one. Even now, if you want that, watch the Final Destination series. I believe it now has five installments and the characters follow a predictable pattern in fulfilling their fate by dying in order. Go figure; I don't get the appeal there beyond basic entertainment.

On the other side, I'm not saying there's no blood or awful situations in regular horror movies, but on the opposite end of the mindless horror films, there are movies now that exist not just to horrify, but to disgust and act like Se7en on steroids amped to 300%. Think of the Hostel and Saw franchises, which were mainstream and pulling in huge box office numbers. That's disturbing in and of itself. Even Scream 4 had a nod to the fact those series are just incredibly, sickly violent with no plot (briefly known as torture porn back in the mid-2000's).

Since then, thankfully, horror has revived in many ways, particularly Guillermo del Toro and Sam Raimi's movies, and other directors who take it back to the suspense roots without being extremely graphic just for shock value. Sinister has to be one of the creepiest movies I've seen in a very long time, and I'm talking "check the bathroom, closets, and doors" creepy. I haven't seen the sequel, but the first one's response did merit respect on a very unique and disturbing premise I had never imagined.

On TV, even the X-Files is being brought back, which contained MANY very creepy episodes, but there was an ongoing link from week to week, usually a reason why this was happening. Mulder and Scully were following leads that were logical, scary, but were official investigations to some very odd situations. Freakily enough, some were drawn from others' real life experiences. While the later seasons were awful in quality, there were some early episodes that sprang from the writers' minds that were bone-chilling without being bloody.

Even Supernatural (the new TV show started in 2005) had a better first season referencing the old myths of Hook Man, Bloody Mary, and the old tropes with tongue firmly in cheek. I suspect movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer probably sparked  them to really skewer these myths and show them how it should have been done in less than an hour.

What's defined as horror on a stage has always had changes, from Grand Guiguol to aspects of certain other plays, changing to the screen with the likes of Wolfman and Dracula. There seems to be an in between period post-WWII where most of the horror was already in servicemen's minds, and the subsequent fear of nuclear missiles in the 1950's/60/s like FailSafe. From there, Psycho kicked off the new era of Hitchcock's world, and a new sensibility for the wider TV audience.

In the 70's anything seemed to go. I've read the synopsis of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I'm frightened enough by the description I've never seen the original. The Exorcism was another one many people will never see again, although I'm ok with it. The Omen, and even the original Halloween, were breakthroughs in what the audience would and would not be able to tolerate.

The 80's brought us Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Chucky, and scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis (yes, I know technically it was Halloween in 1978 that brought her into the spotlight). The 90's? So far only Scream really counted for me, and that was more of an ensemble and screenplay.

Since then it's been one extreme or the other for broadcast. Completely inane random non-specific slash-fests (you see blood splattered), or such sanitized versions of regular movies (a character that mattered to the basic plot is slaughtered and the characters pretty much pretend the victim never existed); why bother? Only the truly subversive movies slip through the cracks. It's those they should broadcast, technically legally on TV, but will introduce the new generations to actual quality horror or even better, the horror-suspense genre. I can only hope a network is willing to take that chance. People and parents can change the channel if they choose.

There's a reason why those of us who appreciate the chill of a scare learn to do so. It's not for everyone at every stage in life, but for me it does thrill you when you learn to enjoy the adrenaline. We need more filmmakers who look to quality, not just repetition of a formula. More like Wes Craven, who know where  and when to sucker punch you, with brutal mental manipulation. It's that creeping feeling that something terrible is happening. It's vicarious, but definitely has merit and art to frighten and expose your dark side. It's not a bad thing, at least not in my book.

I have certain things working for me in my profession, but I still have the the drag of daily life where I know the problems. I've asked for support and not received it. I know how LIB works. I recently joked that if the CEO wrote a book it would be titled "The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves." (yes, I know metaphorically, not literally) Unfortunately, I wasn't kidding .

I want to write a positive post. I'd like to appreciate what's around me living in New York, but often I just can't. I am still employed but as odd as it sounds, that exacerbates the frustration. I'm approaching my 10 year anniversary at LIB, and over 10 years in NYC, yet have been downgraded at work and life.

I'm so tired that I wear my glasses on the train when I have to go to Brooklyn for half of the week so if there is an old/pregnant woman I never see them so I don't have to give up my seat (if I get one). I never even wore glasses at work before this for any reason except a scratched cornea years ago. I don't see my ophthalmologist because of time and an insane deductible, and that applies for so many other physicians that I need to make appointments with. I'm exhausted, in pain, and hoping that I can make it through and figure out something better. My first, second, and third attempt failed.

I'm not totally giving up though. I acknowledge the situation, but I need to get organized, and try to work with what I've been handed. Especially since everything officially resets Jan.1st. If they won't give basic care to me, I'll take it from them, even though I'm struggling with a year plus of realizing just how useless I am to them. Maybe make them find out they do need me. I never wanted to be here again (as it was in 2009), but if I have to do it, I will. And hope for the best.

Every once in a while you run across something that makes you look at things differently. It could be something as simple as a poster or photograph recalling another time  in your life, an interaction that makes you realize that there is more than you thought out there, or even passing a business that's been there since I moved to the Upper East Side in 2006.

It can make you think of longevity and the journey we take along the way. We are truly the accumulation of experiences and choices that shape what we're born with, but that's both a blessing and curse. I find that the business analogy is best.

There are institutions that were around since the 1930's that have gone out of business because of a greedy landlord. Some family-owned restaurants no longer have the third generation care about keeping it open. Then there are the new stores that take those places and thrive, as well as those who close in a year or two after trying to start something new.

Particularly since the 2nd Ave. subway has been underway I've seen all of these scenarios. Are you being so pressured by outside forces that you are being squeezed out? Are you the one stuck in the past with no one willing to learn from you and carry the responsibility? Are you the ambitious newcomer that has the resources, drive, and ability to weather some problems but overcome them in the end? Or are you the one where you go all in...and don't succeed?

Usually we're a mix of all of these depending on the time, the exuberant, the new spark of hope, the apathetic, the jaded, and the depressive experiences. 

I think the last is the one we all fear the most, but sometimes you have to acknowledge that failure happens and start again. And again, if necessary. I respect those people for risking everything, and wonder and hope that they find success elsewhere (or even in another NY neighborhood), even though you never know for sure.

Yes, it's a microcosm, but as I walk the streets and avenues, the longer I'm here in New York, the more I work towards understanding where I am at the time. I suppose the lesson is that history can fall to modernity, ambition can propel you forward if you're prepared enough, and that to leap before you look often leads to disaster. With all of these scenarios, how do you truly apply it to life and make all of the right decisions? If you find out, let me know!

I think I'm learning to act in more devious ways when an opportunity presents itself. Ever since Oct. 2014, I've been hauling a 10 pound computer back and forth 4 days a week; no trouble if you have a car, but on the subway it's painful, awkward, and ultimately was turned down on every level possible to relieve the physical stress. Yes, it hurt. A lot, since I have the equivalent body of a 65 year old without the Medicare or Social Security benefit.

Since I do have these two offices, I'm looking at which one is primary, and where I'm supposed to be. Answer: they don't know or care. I FINALLY (and we're talking about arguing every month since the move) got a new laptop, especially since my old one is 6 years old and the battery won't even hold a charge anymore.

I finally also got a docking station for the new computer at my corporate "official" office, so hopefully if I successfully switch them, they can't take my old one - it's useless, except for where it is. For the new one, I'm moving it where I hope they will look and say that it's new; why take it away and replace it? And if they do take the new one? Oops, their fault. If they take the old one, oops, they didn't order two docking stations (the danger scenario where I start over again).

Sometimes finding creative solutions works, so if this doesn't happen, I'll find  another route. It is a new year, after all. I might as well fight for it.