I have certain things working for me in my profession, but I still have the the drag of daily life where I know the problems. I've asked for support and not received it. I know how LIB works. I recently joked that if the CEO wrote a book it would be titled "The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves." (yes, I know metaphorically, not literally) Unfortunately, I wasn't kidding .

I want to write a positive post. I'd like to appreciate what's around me living in New York, but often I just can't. I am still employed but as odd as it sounds, that exacerbates the frustration. I'm approaching my 10 year anniversary at LIB, and over 10 years in NYC, yet have been downgraded at work and life.

I'm so tired that I wear my glasses on the train when I have to go to Brooklyn for half of the week so if there is an old/pregnant woman I never see them so I don't have to give up my seat (if I get one). I never even wore glasses at work before this for any reason except a scratched cornea years ago. I don't see my ophthalmologist because of time and an insane deductible, and that applies for so many other physicians that I need to make appointments with. I'm exhausted, in pain, and hoping that I can make it through and figure out something better. My first, second, and third attempt failed.

I'm not totally giving up though. I acknowledge the situation, but I need to get organized, and try to work with what I've been handed. Especially since everything officially resets Jan.1st. If they won't give basic care to me, I'll take it from them, even though I'm struggling with a year plus of realizing just how useless I am to them. Maybe make them find out they do need me. I never wanted to be here again (as it was in 2009), but if I have to do it, I will. And hope for the best.