I actually went to two meetings today, not because I had to, but because I've made a commitment to myself to at least try out various ones since they can be wildly different in size, topic, and general atmosphere. I think I'd go back to both, actually, since they were smaller and I felt that it was a better representation of the average person, not a room full of well-heeled UESiders that sip a glass or two of wine more than they should.

Conversely, it's not the Atlantic group overload of zealots trying to ambush you as soon as they realize you're new, almost like they're trying to convert you to the Big Book as the only path forward. Even compared to the Connecticut meetings, I feel more at home here, maybe because of the NYC connections and jokes about life here that resonate so much more.

I even raised my hand to speak, something that took me two weeks of AA meetings to do even in the closed rehab meetings, and said something decently intelligent as well as pertinent to the topic. From many experiences, I've noticed that topics given by the speaker tend to be optional since many people just unload what's on their mind, which is often completely irrelevant, but the spirituality issue is one I'm struggling with quite a lot.

I haven't prayed since I was a child, or believed in organized religion, so the Higher Power idea is foreign to me, but I will accept something like nature or the greater universe as a greater force. It's a step, although only a baby one, and I'll need to really define this as I move forward. For now it will work but it's something to develop with my sponsor, if not my temporary one, then a permanent one if I find someone I'm comfortable with. This is still such unknown territory but I just have to try to improve at my own pace.