The weekend was good, and I got to see my aunt and uncle (different sides of the family) who I haven't seen since Thanksgiving, as well as deliver a belated Christmas gift that I finally finished. I spent some quality time with my parents, and it's a different experience now that I'm not staving off withdrawal or lying about my extracurricular activities or why I want to get home as early as possible. Something I'm truly enjoying is that I'm finally able to be honest about the simplest things about my current life.
Unfortunately, being home revved up my internal nightmare machine so I didn't sleep well. I think I've been repressing a lot of things in my life that my parents were involved in, health crises as well as recent unpleasant events. While they were hugely supportive during those times, there's some subconscious connection when I'm with them, so tonight I'm hoping I'll sleep well before going back to work. Someday I hope that I get past these nightmares which have been around off and on for almost twenty years; that's why I'm going to try therapy to finally get some closure.
And as always, when I mentioned to my sponsor and the other woman I've met in AA that I was going to be gone for the weekend they suggested a NJ meeting. As always, I said no. I'm not desperately craving a drink (although still wanting to not be sober), and can handle that without running to meetings. I also see no point in trying to make connections there since I'm not down at my parents often enough to get much out of the effort, and right now my efforts are focused on the most gain for the least energy since I've got little enough to work with. Some things seem not to be changing, but at least I'm consistent in dealing with it!
So it's day 74 for me. Two more weeks and I'll be at the "magic number" of 90 days. I'm cautiously optimistic that I will feel better then. Spring will be arriving, I hope I'll be done with or at least have an appointment for my taxes, the IOP may lower me to 2 days so that I'll feel that I have some time to myself again, and I can stop working Saturdays! Yes there's still the long-term to acknowledge, but for now I'm just projecting success for the next two weeks. At 90 days I think I'll take the week following to reevaluate what's working and what's not, and set new milestones, god willing. Good enough for now.
Unfortunately, being home revved up my internal nightmare machine so I didn't sleep well. I think I've been repressing a lot of things in my life that my parents were involved in, health crises as well as recent unpleasant events. While they were hugely supportive during those times, there's some subconscious connection when I'm with them, so tonight I'm hoping I'll sleep well before going back to work. Someday I hope that I get past these nightmares which have been around off and on for almost twenty years; that's why I'm going to try therapy to finally get some closure.
And as always, when I mentioned to my sponsor and the other woman I've met in AA that I was going to be gone for the weekend they suggested a NJ meeting. As always, I said no. I'm not desperately craving a drink (although still wanting to not be sober), and can handle that without running to meetings. I also see no point in trying to make connections there since I'm not down at my parents often enough to get much out of the effort, and right now my efforts are focused on the most gain for the least energy since I've got little enough to work with. Some things seem not to be changing, but at least I'm consistent in dealing with it!
So it's day 74 for me. Two more weeks and I'll be at the "magic number" of 90 days. I'm cautiously optimistic that I will feel better then. Spring will be arriving, I hope I'll be done with or at least have an appointment for my taxes, the IOP may lower me to 2 days so that I'll feel that I have some time to myself again, and I can stop working Saturdays! Yes there's still the long-term to acknowledge, but for now I'm just projecting success for the next two weeks. At 90 days I think I'll take the week following to reevaluate what's working and what's not, and set new milestones, god willing. Good enough for now.
posted by AnonymousX at 9:32 PM
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