Yesterday I went to see a rheumatologist and thank god, no RA and the X-ray came back normal for my knees. Whatever I have it's not another health crisis to deal with, just another run-of-the-mill daily thing. It doesn't lessen the pain, but one fewer thing to worry about is a good thing in my book; I have enough to watch out for already!
It does mean more hours that I have to work on Saturday, but I've found myself retraining my brain to not obsess over things like that or resent it. That I'm able to take time out of a workday for a doctor's appointment and make it up by working from home, even on the weekend, is really a best case scenario compared to most other jobs. There's no hassle of finding coverage and swapping shifts, or even having to be physically present, and that's enough to quiet any negative reactions. I'm learning to think more about what I do have instead of what I don't.
That's a key piece that I learned in rehab and through some immersion in AA culture. Gratitude. It took almost losing everything, my apartment, job, family, health, and life to really instill a seed of that in me, but it was a necessary price to pay. I needed the time in rehab to wrap my head around the physical and mental trauma of the cirrhosis diagnosis, subsequent month-long hospitalization and the multiple ER visits when my liver started giving out over the past year. It provided distance from the immediacy of living the way I was to find a reason to come back, have the strength to stand up to this new paradigm, feel at the core of myself that this was worth living for, and most of all that it was worth living period.
For that and more, I freely admit that I'm grateful. And while I wouldn't say I'm happy, I'm content with where I am, acknowledging that there is more to look forward to and enjoy once I continue to make changes to my basic patterns. I keep reminding myself life is a marathon, not a sprint, and I'm hoping that the longer the run, the better chance you have to create a life you love without focusing on the daily slings and arrows.
It does mean more hours that I have to work on Saturday, but I've found myself retraining my brain to not obsess over things like that or resent it. That I'm able to take time out of a workday for a doctor's appointment and make it up by working from home, even on the weekend, is really a best case scenario compared to most other jobs. There's no hassle of finding coverage and swapping shifts, or even having to be physically present, and that's enough to quiet any negative reactions. I'm learning to think more about what I do have instead of what I don't.
That's a key piece that I learned in rehab and through some immersion in AA culture. Gratitude. It took almost losing everything, my apartment, job, family, health, and life to really instill a seed of that in me, but it was a necessary price to pay. I needed the time in rehab to wrap my head around the physical and mental trauma of the cirrhosis diagnosis, subsequent month-long hospitalization and the multiple ER visits when my liver started giving out over the past year. It provided distance from the immediacy of living the way I was to find a reason to come back, have the strength to stand up to this new paradigm, feel at the core of myself that this was worth living for, and most of all that it was worth living period.
For that and more, I freely admit that I'm grateful. And while I wouldn't say I'm happy, I'm content with where I am, acknowledging that there is more to look forward to and enjoy once I continue to make changes to my basic patterns. I keep reminding myself life is a marathon, not a sprint, and I'm hoping that the longer the run, the better chance you have to create a life you love without focusing on the daily slings and arrows.
posted by AnonymousX at 10:17 PM
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