I've been complaining about how exhausted I am and how nothing has improved over the time I've been sober. Then I looked back on this weekend. I was up by 10am both weekdays, and while I wasn't outrageously energy-filled, I accomplished a lot. One of my goals has been to learn how to cook veggies since my usual diet is carbs, carbs, and more carbs, so I did some experimenting. Although the prep time was ridiculous I have food for the week, couscous with mushrooms, zucchini, green beans, shallots, leeks, onions, garlic, spinach, sundried tomatoes, and parsley. Added protein was chicken with a Dijon vinaigrette, and crumbled gorgonzola cheese.
Inspired by my cooking success, as I was washing dishes I kept cleaning, vacuuming my apartment, even behind my refrigerator, and scrubbing my kitchen and bathroom floors. Window blinds are one of my least favorite things to clean and it was past 10pm, but doing those and weeding through my drawers and closet I'm leaving for another time when I gather up enough energy.
Maybe the most important thing of all was stepping outside of the apartment both days. Shopping for food and flowers at Fairway got me out on Saturday. But Sunday, after writing out my bills it was time for my 12:30 AA meeting, and I was having my first official sit-down afterward with my new sponsor. Not only did I get out of the house but I was interacting with people!
I even raised my hand and spoke at the meeting since the leader who told her story had a friend who had died at cirrhosis at 30. I gave my brief background and emphasized that while it got me sober, anyone who goes back to drinking runs the same risk of this silent and irreversible disease, very rarely found until your first hospital visit from the complications. I think it was an effective message. Learn from my mistakes, don't wait to experience them yourselves. Even the speaker came up at the end to say she really appreciated my share!
Also, let me just say now that I love my new sponsor. She invited me back to her apartment, we ironed out what's expected (I will call her every day, even if I just leave a message, and we will go through the steps, debating them like two intelligent adults as we progress), and shared parts of our stories. I have immense respect for her, she's a nurse who works in a shelter for mentally ill people and substance abusers, so I feel comfortable telling her everything about my history. She's kind but spunky, lives by her own world view outside of AA dogma, has been around NYC a long time, and is very proud of who she has come to be through sobriety.
If I'd had a wish list for a sponsor, I don't think I could have come any closer. She also agrees, however, that nothing lasts forever, and if at any point either of us chooses to end the relationship there's no harm, no hurt feelings. I'm certainly not looking for anyone else now, but it's good to know up front that she realizes and accepts, as I do, that life is unpredictable, and we're both simply doing the best we can for ourselves and to help each other. A yin to my yang so far.
Afterward I was exhausted and wanted to go home and mull this over (which I did, I got home around 4:30 and am just now posting), but as weekends go, I'm very grateful for this one. I need to remind myself of this feeling throughout the week, achieve my 90 days, and add to that new to-do list the blinds, drawers, closets, and for the newest addition, be happy continuing with my sponsor. Thank god for things working in a positive direction that I have seen and rejoiced in for a change.
Inspired by my cooking success, as I was washing dishes I kept cleaning, vacuuming my apartment, even behind my refrigerator, and scrubbing my kitchen and bathroom floors. Window blinds are one of my least favorite things to clean and it was past 10pm, but doing those and weeding through my drawers and closet I'm leaving for another time when I gather up enough energy.
Maybe the most important thing of all was stepping outside of the apartment both days. Shopping for food and flowers at Fairway got me out on Saturday. But Sunday, after writing out my bills it was time for my 12:30 AA meeting, and I was having my first official sit-down afterward with my new sponsor. Not only did I get out of the house but I was interacting with people!
I even raised my hand and spoke at the meeting since the leader who told her story had a friend who had died at cirrhosis at 30. I gave my brief background and emphasized that while it got me sober, anyone who goes back to drinking runs the same risk of this silent and irreversible disease, very rarely found until your first hospital visit from the complications. I think it was an effective message. Learn from my mistakes, don't wait to experience them yourselves. Even the speaker came up at the end to say she really appreciated my share!
Also, let me just say now that I love my new sponsor. She invited me back to her apartment, we ironed out what's expected (I will call her every day, even if I just leave a message, and we will go through the steps, debating them like two intelligent adults as we progress), and shared parts of our stories. I have immense respect for her, she's a nurse who works in a shelter for mentally ill people and substance abusers, so I feel comfortable telling her everything about my history. She's kind but spunky, lives by her own world view outside of AA dogma, has been around NYC a long time, and is very proud of who she has come to be through sobriety.
If I'd had a wish list for a sponsor, I don't think I could have come any closer. She also agrees, however, that nothing lasts forever, and if at any point either of us chooses to end the relationship there's no harm, no hurt feelings. I'm certainly not looking for anyone else now, but it's good to know up front that she realizes and accepts, as I do, that life is unpredictable, and we're both simply doing the best we can for ourselves and to help each other. A yin to my yang so far.
Afterward I was exhausted and wanted to go home and mull this over (which I did, I got home around 4:30 and am just now posting), but as weekends go, I'm very grateful for this one. I need to remind myself of this feeling throughout the week, achieve my 90 days, and add to that new to-do list the blinds, drawers, closets, and for the newest addition, be happy continuing with my sponsor. Thank god for things working in a positive direction that I have seen and rejoiced in for a change.
posted by AnonymousX at 8:28 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home