I'd forgotten what it was like to have time off. Just being able to have Friday morning and Monday afternoon to myself before and after my trip to NJ was a welcome respite from the daily work schedule and the weekend catch up that is my life nowadays.

As for family, well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The same stupid, annoying things that make me wonder how in the hell we got where we are as a family. Are people really that oblivious to the situation? Do they want to keep going over the same old ground, reacting the same way and perpetuating the patterns that have been most detrimental in their lives?

However, it's not like I can hold myself up as a shining example, since I learned that pattern very well growing up around it. I'm changing through necessity and as a last resort, not really through the desire to do so, therefore I too am just as guilty of these faults. I need to breathe and not be angry about it. Don't beat myself up, but don't let myself fall back into willful denial.

In the meantime, I need to think more about time off, time to appreciate the nicer weather and find ways to enjoy what's going on around me. The rest of the family will get along without me involved in the dysfunction and I can't change them, just try to accept them. I'll live with that thought for now.