I'm finally feeling better emotionally. I can't point to one thing in particular, but today I realized that I was happy after months of wondering if I had set a new level of apathy. Maybe it's the warmer weather. Maybe it's knowing my birthday is coming up soon. Maybe it's making it past one of the worst years of my life, realizing that I have come a long way, and that I have something to be proud of and happy about.

Again, I doubt it's that cut and dried, but likely the result of a few months of adjusting my mindset, even when I'm not feeling that way initially. Ultimately it doesn't matter why, just that for today life wasn't a chore. My body hurt as per usual but I can still get around the subway and walk the stairs. I was out in Brooklyn but can take the new Q train, and I've learned to pace myself at work so I'm not totally mentally exhausted by the end of the day.

For years I focused on the daily annoyances and let them get to me. I'd repeat them over and over in my head so that the smallest addition would drive me into a rage, but I'm letting them roll off me now. I think I'll keep it up, it seems to be doing me some good.