Yesterday was a big day, not necessarily because of what happened. It was the official 10th anniversary of my turn-permanent date at my job, which is hard to conceive. Ten years ago was right before the shit hit the fan economically, and having seen it coming, I fought tooth and nail to get that conversion in time. I also have the shortest temp-to-perm duration of 9 months, a record that holds to this day.

I remember when I had that fire and energy to work and make things better for myself. I mourn it often but have to accept that who I am now I was not then in many ways and vice versa.

I'm calmer now, and know what to expect for function and dysfunction in my department, company, and NYC. My living situation has been stable for coming up on 8 years, and I just need to do a whole apartment cleaning at some point (mostly throw out old VHS tapes). I don't know if I'll ever rejoin the pool team but I did a solid 10 years, and have nothing to be ashamed of there.

I've done the best I could factoring in all of the bumps and potholes along the road and after all this time I have enough to at least have some small bit of pride. I hope it continues.