Another September 11th that thankfully has passed without another terrorist attack in the United States, although Barcelona was horrible. I am thankful that my friend and my cousins in Florida are safe, and their residences intact although power has to be restored. My ten years at LIB have officially been announced and I have the lucite award to commemorate my tenure.

And yet I still have what's going on in my life taking up priority space in my head and have to face that I haven't worked through what I know to be true. I've been given a death sentence, and the only way to at least give myself more time is to do the opposite of my coping skill and the cause of said death sentence, which is to not drink. It's some sort of weird circular knowledge and resistance to that knowledge playing until I crack and drink. Rinse and repeat.

The only way out that I know is to find something external to break the cycle, which is why I went to a SMART meeting since AA is just not going to happen for me and actually makes it worse. With so much else going on in the world I should be happy I have time left. I should want to make a positive change. I should strive to make things better.

For now all I can do is keep fighting for a small glimmer of hope and that some day soon I'll come to terms with this.