I met for coffee with my ex-sponsor and she is as awesome as always. Energetic, positive, and non-judgmental. She didn't even ask me to come back to AA; I think she knows that door is closed as well as I do. With her medical background it makes it easier to discuss my results and prognosis, and she was as disgusted as I am with the hepatology department's actions to shunt my case to an NP since I'm not actively on the liver transplant list.
It was some validation about how things are without pie in the sky promises of magical medical advances or denial of the situation. How absolutely refreshing, and needed!
Small steps are in order. Short term: focus on making it to work but not overworking myself, since I am immuno-compromised as well as suffering from fatigue as a side effect of the cirrhosis.
Medium term: work on recovery by making it to SMART meetings and my shrink's appointments, as well as other medical follow-ups.
Longer term: continue planning for the Rhine river cruise next May (and get travel insurance in case I'm too sick to go), and start thinking of other bucket list items that I can fit around my current life. 
Necessary: Talk to my financial advisor and update my non-retirement timeline with my investments. Find a reputable lawyer and get my affairs in order for real, not just talking about it, but doing it. Include in said will notification of friends in and out of NYC who should know if I die.
I think that's enough to start with for now. Most of all I can't let the daily pressure get to me, which has caused crises, and can't allow family to stress me out. I need to look out for me unless there's a true crisis elsewhere. Me as a topic is off limits for the near future. I think these things will help. I hope they will, that I will get perspective and stand up again knowing that there is a future, brief though it may be. That's the smartest way to live now.
It was some validation about how things are without pie in the sky promises of magical medical advances or denial of the situation. How absolutely refreshing, and needed!
Small steps are in order. Short term: focus on making it to work but not overworking myself, since I am immuno-compromised as well as suffering from fatigue as a side effect of the cirrhosis.
Medium term: work on recovery by making it to SMART meetings and my shrink's appointments, as well as other medical follow-ups.
Longer term: continue planning for the Rhine river cruise next May (and get travel insurance in case I'm too sick to go), and start thinking of other bucket list items that I can fit around my current life. 
Necessary: Talk to my financial advisor and update my non-retirement timeline with my investments. Find a reputable lawyer and get my affairs in order for real, not just talking about it, but doing it. Include in said will notification of friends in and out of NYC who should know if I die.
I think that's enough to start with for now. Most of all I can't let the daily pressure get to me, which has caused crises, and can't allow family to stress me out. I need to look out for me unless there's a true crisis elsewhere. Me as a topic is off limits for the near future. I think these things will help. I hope they will, that I will get perspective and stand up again knowing that there is a future, brief though it may be. That's the smartest way to live now.
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