Well, technically it was a holiday, although in many ways it didn't feel like one to me. My great-uncle's sister, who has spent the past five years celebrating with us, was understandably upset over losing her brother. My aunt was lamenting the shrinking of the family again. My mother was in super control mode which led to many shouting matches with my sister who was in super-super control mode over who was more stressed and who had more to take care of by the end of the year.
My dad and I wisely stayed out of it and made sarcastic comments to each other, even though all of this stresses me out observing it and having to bite my tongue instead of getting involved in the screaming matches just to tell them to shut the fuck up and deal like adults. As I mentioned, even though it sucks that my great-uncle died right before Christmas it really was a blessing since he was so thoroughly unhappy at being helpless, hence please do not displace your discomfort with the situation inconsiderately taking up your precious time on each other.
So I resolved not to make it worse, just show up, be a support for his sister, and let her know how much he was loved by all of us. My mom and sister will never change; at their core they are selfish and don't notice that I just avoid, retreat, and try to ignore everything they go on endlessly about that seems SO IMPORTANT to them at the time. Nine times out of ten it's not a true crisis, and when it is, then the appropriate response is to address it as best as possible as fast as possible. It won't always be a valid option, but you do the best you can in those situations.
Late tax bill? Not a crisis. Contact the bureau and let them know you'll pay, if they send you to collections then contact collections and let them know you're working with the bureau. Been there, didn't freak out.
Filing for the end of the year as a separate business? Don't know, never done it, but hire someone competent who knows the laws or learn them yourself ahead of time so it will be done properly and by deadline. Not a crisis.
The important part was to be there for the entire wake, the pre-funeral, funeral mass, grave ceremony and repast. I had that luxury since I already had Tues & Wed off, taken the beginning of this year not knowing what was ahead, but I would have at least tried to get the days off even if I had found out last minute. I think my boss would have understood and I could have borrowed from the days from next year since it's exceptional circumstances. Uncle Vito was a vital part of my life as long as I can remember, from when he played Santa Claus in my Uncle Cappy's basement when I was 0-4 years old to all of the holidays he spent with us over the many years in between.
He and Aunt Helen were our and our cousins' surrogate grandparents particularly since they had no children of their own. He was a World War II veteran (he and his brother met by chance on Iwo Jima one day), a draftsman at ITT for 50 years, head of their union, and a devoted, loving husband who also took care of others living on his street as well as his sister-in-law after his brother passed. He was compassionate but practical, and had a unique perspective on the world that I think only those who have lived decades can achieve. He was loved and will be missed, and despite family being a bitch this weekend, he was worth all of us and more.
My dad and I wisely stayed out of it and made sarcastic comments to each other, even though all of this stresses me out observing it and having to bite my tongue instead of getting involved in the screaming matches just to tell them to shut the fuck up and deal like adults. As I mentioned, even though it sucks that my great-uncle died right before Christmas it really was a blessing since he was so thoroughly unhappy at being helpless, hence please do not displace your discomfort with the situation inconsiderately taking up your precious time on each other.
So I resolved not to make it worse, just show up, be a support for his sister, and let her know how much he was loved by all of us. My mom and sister will never change; at their core they are selfish and don't notice that I just avoid, retreat, and try to ignore everything they go on endlessly about that seems SO IMPORTANT to them at the time. Nine times out of ten it's not a true crisis, and when it is, then the appropriate response is to address it as best as possible as fast as possible. It won't always be a valid option, but you do the best you can in those situations.
Late tax bill? Not a crisis. Contact the bureau and let them know you'll pay, if they send you to collections then contact collections and let them know you're working with the bureau. Been there, didn't freak out.
Filing for the end of the year as a separate business? Don't know, never done it, but hire someone competent who knows the laws or learn them yourself ahead of time so it will be done properly and by deadline. Not a crisis.
The important part was to be there for the entire wake, the pre-funeral, funeral mass, grave ceremony and repast. I had that luxury since I already had Tues & Wed off, taken the beginning of this year not knowing what was ahead, but I would have at least tried to get the days off even if I had found out last minute. I think my boss would have understood and I could have borrowed from the days from next year since it's exceptional circumstances. Uncle Vito was a vital part of my life as long as I can remember, from when he played Santa Claus in my Uncle Cappy's basement when I was 0-4 years old to all of the holidays he spent with us over the many years in between.
He and Aunt Helen were our and our cousins' surrogate grandparents particularly since they had no children of their own. He was a World War II veteran (he and his brother met by chance on Iwo Jima one day), a draftsman at ITT for 50 years, head of their union, and a devoted, loving husband who also took care of others living on his street as well as his sister-in-law after his brother passed. He was compassionate but practical, and had a unique perspective on the world that I think only those who have lived decades can achieve. He was loved and will be missed, and despite family being a bitch this weekend, he was worth all of us and more.
posted by AnonymousX at 6:39 PM
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