It's been a rough few weeks after the rough month and a half when I was sick, so 2018 has pretty much sucked. I've also been faced again with the reality of how what life I have left will go.

I did my taxes Wednesday night and found out that because of health and other automatic withholdings I'm making over $2,000 less this year than I was (counting the "raise" I got). I was told that the "tax cut" bill will net me exactly $0 next year as well so the trend will continue. I spend enough on annual deductibles and out of pocket costs that I can actually deduct a small portion of my health expenses, but will be even less next year thanks to the new bill.

However, I'm lucky that I have been saving since I started working when I was 14. It gives me a cushion to fall back on, but I also know there's a reason I haven't contributed to my ROTH since 2013. I don't trust the stock market, need liquid savings, and know I'll be losing ground monetarily unless I start eating rice & pasta as my staple foods. At my weight that is not the correct diet.

I'm so tired of doing what's viewed as the right thing. It has gotten me nowhere in life except exhausted, immuno-compromised, addicted to whatever will make that awareness of futility of life disappear, and feel stuck where I am in terms of any type of advancement potential. I know that I'm far from alone on this, but damn. I'm out of energy and unless a miracle happens things will continue the way they are.

I'm glad that my parents don't have to deal with this since they have solid pensions, medical benefits, and have managed 15 years of retirement so far with very few hiccups. I just wish I had faith that things will work out in at least a fraction of that success for me. And I wish they understood the paradigm shift that's happened where nothing is guaranteed any more. It's a roll with the punches world and all you can do is hope you don't end up with a TKO or worse, a KO.