My sleep has been oddly disordered for a very long time but lately it seems to be getting worse. Example A: I was asleep earlier, but at 5 am I'm awake after tossing and turning for a few hours prior. The silver lining is that it's Sunday so at least I don't have to pay the price of exhaustion hitting midday while I'm working.

Also oddly this week has been better than the ones preceding it. I went to see the Thomas Cole exhibit at the Met (fantastic, btw, if anyone in NYC wants to go), dealt with family without major friction and pleased them by planning the day to maximize their comfort. I avoided any conversations that would cause anger or friction.

Maybe that's why I was just exhausted when I returned home. There's always a sense of disappointment whenever I spend time with family doing NYC activities. I can navigate almost any subway line or find alternate routes with no notice. I can give a spectacular two hour tour of the Met's highlights without consulting the museum map. I know the Brooklyn Botanical Garden and New York Botanical Garden well, and can walk through Central Park or Prospect Park to show all of the highlights and some hidden beauties.

My family just follows me, and you would think that the tidbits I know about the history and random facts that I can impart would create the sense of wonder that I feel absorbing the historical significance of these places. But every time I feel that they only absorb the bare surface and trying to share what I know (which admittedly is nowhere near what the docents can illuminate) is inadequate.

It makes me feel like a poseur, which I suppose I am considering my lack of academic research in the history and full investigations into the exact timeline of each artifact.

I love spending time educating my family. Selfishly, the lack of appreciation for the education and planning for the process inordinately bothers me. I'm tired of it. I think from now on I'll just spend time by myself. I can't deal with the implied neglect anymore.