It's odd to go back to my old life. Vacation is a way to come back to yourself, slipping into a better version of myself, but then the fantasy is over and the real world returns.

I never fully detach. I know colleagues who forget their passwords or don't remember how to navigate a database within a week of being away. I never did at any time in the eleven years I've been working there, even if I was out a month or two from health issues (not vacation certainly, but time away for sure; there isn't much that can be done from a hospital bed). Have I let certain databases or search strategies lapse over a year or two of not using them? Yes, but it takes about that long.

It's part of what has allowed them to keep me while we went through rounds of layoffs and temps; I don't forget and can tie together databases and strategies through my accumulated experience that others can't or don't think of doing.

I had lunch with a colleague on Thursday ruminating on that kind of value that experience brings. She's much farther in her career than me, since she began working as a corporate librarian in the 1980's, yet she confirmed what I kind of already knew. The other options out there in our field right now aren't any better. More responsibility for a salary that doesn't justify the additional skills needed to negotiate contracts, field requests over a wider range of specialties, and generally at least double the amount of work involved for only a small increase.

So while I absolutely carry the memories and experiences of my vacation with me, I know enough to keep my feet on the metaphorical ground. I need this job. And I will do what is required to keep it.

That better person? She may have to wait a while to be let loose again.