I did the best thing I could have and got out of the house this weekend to see the Vermeer and Delacroix exhibits at the Met, and then slept until 1:30 on Sunday. I needed the sleep SO badly after a long, hot summer; it's finally cooling down and I don't have mold growing 24/7 in my bathroom. Such a relief.

If I can keep myself in check I might actually be doing okay again.

I had a bad week, which makes it all the much harder to go back to work. I can't sleep properly, and I can't really be okay with wasting my daylight hours at work only to drag home and not get anything done because I'm too tired. I miss being active at a job. I miss having something inspire me to learn something new instead doing the same or similar things over and over.

Unfortunately, for money reasons that's where I am. Health care is too expensive. Going back to school is too expensive. And my other issues mental and health-wise are too draining. I go to bed every night just praying to fall asleep or ensuring I pass out and neither one works well.

Still, this is the path I've chosen so I need to stop fighting this. I'm not going to win about being with my colleagues full time. I'm not going to win in terms of finding something better and having the drive or energy to try. I need to accept it and stop being bitter about how things have turned out. The past doesn't bode well for success, but I have to try.

I've been watching an X-Files marathon from the earlier, best seasons, and while I can't sleep (although I hope to crash soon), it's great going back to what was one of the best sci-fi shows produced.

In many ways it was ahead of its time in terms of the sci-fi genre becoming mainstream and the quality of the show overall at a time. However, it also goes back to when shows aired at a certain time per week, and if you weren't home at Friday at 9pm, sorry, no streaming! Record on VCR or give it up as lost until the VCR/DVD came out, and now Netflix or some hybrid.

It's so strange to think about that, but I think it made series and networks work harder to create compelling drama because of the limited viewing options. After all, soap operas have been a staple for 40+ years for bored housewives who have the time to tune in day after day. X-Files learned that lesson often and well. Make it compelling. Make each episode give a lead to the next if it was a double parter, or let it stand alone, but enough that people will be talking about it at the water cooler (an antiquated tradition) the next day.

I have conversations with some of the older bankers since I've known them since they were associates, and a few say the same thing. They don't understand this world of instant gratification and changes, and yes we're old. A couple pretend to get the new paradigm. A few really do keep up with the 22 year olds despite being older.

I don't think we've ever lived in a more intense technological age, where within ten years things have changed equivalent to 20 or 30 (or more) years in the previous dot.com or Industrial Revolution. I can't decide if that's depressing or uplifting, yet I know that it all depends what side of that equation you fall on. I'm halfway between the two so I have no answer, just speculation and curiosity for how things will work out.

And back to the concert. The opening-opening band Boom Forest has to be one of the strangest I've ever seen. There was only the lead singer who could play guitar but only played on one song (?) and a drummer.

The rest of the "band" was a keyboard backing track. WTF? Is this a new trend now instead of actually producing music? I was around in the 80s and 90s when keyboard, MOOG, and synth were the rage. Even then they had a keyboard player.

Then Live took the stage. They're one of the bands I regretted not seeing back in the 90s when they were big, and they ROCKED hardcore. Ed can't reach the high notes that he did a decade ago but they've rearranged the songs to compensate for that, and you could tell they put everything into the performance. I would see them again in a heartbeat, not just because I love them and their music but because they put on an awesome show. I would have loved to hear Run to the Water, but judging by the past setlists on this tour they don't do it anymore.

Counting Crows. *sigh* I've been a decades long fan and have seen them probably 10 times. This was one of their most lackluster shows, emphasized by the absolutely energizing performance of Live right before.

I appreciate the storytelling aspect, but Adam was just enervated, walking through the songs, and changing the tempo and phrasing to a point where Anna Begins was almost unrecognizable. Unless you're a devoted fan you wouldn't recognize it. There were a few lyric changes working on the script for alterations, but none really resonated except during Round Here (and that's only because I know the script).

In short, Live - YES! CC needs to settle back, retool, and if Adam's having problems, which he's admitted in the past, being on tour is not helpful. Boom Forest can go do whatever it is they do.