I had a bad week, which makes it all the much harder to go back to work. I can't sleep properly, and I can't really be okay with wasting my daylight hours at work only to drag home and not get anything done because I'm too tired. I miss being active at a job. I miss having something inspire me to learn something new instead doing the same or similar things over and over.

Unfortunately, for money reasons that's where I am. Health care is too expensive. Going back to school is too expensive. And my other issues mental and health-wise are too draining. I go to bed every night just praying to fall asleep or ensuring I pass out and neither one works well.

Still, this is the path I've chosen so I need to stop fighting this. I'm not going to win about being with my colleagues full time. I'm not going to win in terms of finding something better and having the drive or energy to try. I need to accept it and stop being bitter about how things have turned out. The past doesn't bode well for success, but I have to try.