I know it's been a long time again but there's a very good reason. After a lot of deliberation and finally acknowledging things are getting worse in every possible dimension, I'm going away to rehab again.
Different place and MUCH closer to my parents which works out since I'll be living with them for a month or two afterward so I can properly do follow-up with a program. Last time one of the worst mistakes I made was feeling so guilty about being gone for a month that I tried to do intensive outpatient on top of a stressful full time job, which is like having at least a job and a half, if not two full ones. I was not made for that since I can barely hold down one full time job so it was just stupid on my part. Once I was beat down enough I just gave up.
Basically I've decided to enter the facility Oct. 7th, possibly do detox depending on what they think, then a 28-30 day program. I also have the time off through the end of the year so I can avoid that exhaustion and futility that drove me to say fuck it after 7 months last time. Also, maybe for a change I can enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, spend time with my 92 year old uncle and my 80 year old aunt, as well as my 75 year old parents. No one's getting younger here so it's now or never, and an unexpected possible plus of me being a total fucking trainwreck so I qualify for FMLA.
Oddly enough, by the time I'd decided that going away is what I needed I'd just re-signed my lease for next year about 3 weeks prior. I've let my landlord know I'll be away for about 2 months or a bit more but if I come into the city as I get out of rehab and am more stable I have a place to stay.
I don't think it will be simple or easy this time around. It's never easy, but when you're already under stress, anything to minimize it can be valid choices. I acknowledge that I cannot do new recovery and a full time job, especially as we're down so many people it's driving most of us batty on a daily basis. So to save my sanity and hopefully stabilize my liver, that's where I am. The Chinese curse holds: May you live in interesting times.
Different place and MUCH closer to my parents which works out since I'll be living with them for a month or two afterward so I can properly do follow-up with a program. Last time one of the worst mistakes I made was feeling so guilty about being gone for a month that I tried to do intensive outpatient on top of a stressful full time job, which is like having at least a job and a half, if not two full ones. I was not made for that since I can barely hold down one full time job so it was just stupid on my part. Once I was beat down enough I just gave up.
Basically I've decided to enter the facility Oct. 7th, possibly do detox depending on what they think, then a 28-30 day program. I also have the time off through the end of the year so I can avoid that exhaustion and futility that drove me to say fuck it after 7 months last time. Also, maybe for a change I can enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, spend time with my 92 year old uncle and my 80 year old aunt, as well as my 75 year old parents. No one's getting younger here so it's now or never, and an unexpected possible plus of me being a total fucking trainwreck so I qualify for FMLA.
Oddly enough, by the time I'd decided that going away is what I needed I'd just re-signed my lease for next year about 3 weeks prior. I've let my landlord know I'll be away for about 2 months or a bit more but if I come into the city as I get out of rehab and am more stable I have a place to stay.
I don't think it will be simple or easy this time around. It's never easy, but when you're already under stress, anything to minimize it can be valid choices. I acknowledge that I cannot do new recovery and a full time job, especially as we're down so many people it's driving most of us batty on a daily basis. So to save my sanity and hopefully stabilize my liver, that's where I am. The Chinese curse holds: May you live in interesting times.
posted by AnonymousX at 9:47 PM
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