I'm officially in a group to be vaccinated, but considering the current lack of a federal plan I'm assuming that I won't have the chance until maybe mid-Spring at the earliest, even though I have pre-existing conditions. Not that I'm surprised, since Everything Trump Touches Dies, but the complete and total lack of anything resembling efficacy at any point of our coronavirus response is just shameful. The deaths are unacceptable in particular, and history will not look back on this period or our leaders kindly.

It's also the reason why I'm going out less than I used to at any point except for the initial couple of months last year, when no one was sure how contagious this was or through what methods it was primarily transmitted. Now I just assume that at least 5 people in the same grocery store probably have it and act accordingly, or avoid the supermarket altogether. It would be frustratingly pointless to catch it just when a vaccine is finally available. I really try not to think about the "it shouldn't have been this way" or "what have I done" lines of thought since it just leads me to dark places, but the anger I'm carrying around has been growing again.

This is the time of year I would normally see Orion as I was walking home down 83rd St. I would watch the sun set every night from the top floors and always be commuting in the dark. I would be too exhausted to do much besides work, but could look forward to an apartment with steam heat and a bathtub large enough to soak in. I would feel like I was part of the world. I miss that so incredibly much, but isolation is the game so I'll just put up my internal walls against feeling anything and try not to cry again over what's lost.