I made a blueberry pie with a lattice top crust (done properly this time). Other than that, not much new to report since even Costco doesn't seem to want to hire me, just doing the same things and languishing. So be it.

Just as my parents, sister, and I complete our vaccinations, we get another reminder of just how fragile any sense of security is around Covid. Since I'd reached my immunity day, I went to stay with my aunt (who is not - and does not want to be - vaccinated) for a few days while I still have free time until a job prospect arrives. To my delight and surprise my other cousin was there who I haven't seen since Christmas 2019!

My cousin contracted Covid with minimal symptoms from her granddaughter back in December 2020, and hasn't been vaccinated, but I figured that she would have antibodies already. We visited, I stayed with my aunt, and my cousin attended a bridal shower on Saturday for her other granddaughter. My aunt had already declined the invitation since it was being held indoors. No problem, right?

My parents came back to pick me up on Sunday and when we returned from lunch there was a message on my aunt's machine from my cousin's son. She'd had a minor heart attack, and while she was in the hospital had also tested positive for Covid again! The heart attack was taken care of, but she was now in the Covid unit being watched for any respiratory complications, since on top of a weakened heart that can be a quick decompensation away from death. She also, unfortunately, exposed everyone in that part of the family at the shower.

How did my cousin get Covid twice in six months? We don't know. Maybe it was the UK variant and just different enough to cause a second infection. Maybe it was because my cousin is 81, diabetic, and her immune system didn't create any T-cells. Any way it happened it's rather disturbing.

Luckily I had bought a pulse-ox at CVS the last time I was picking up one of my prescriptions since it had come down in price (I bought mine five years ago when it was $10, at the height of the pandemic I saw them for $110, and now it's down to $50), brought it to my aunt's and showed her how to use it. We (now) know my cousin exposed her, so it's a waiting game, but at least she can check her O2 sats.

I'm hoping this changes her mind about getting vaccinated. We'll continue to see her regardless and she's retired so it's not like she has to be out and about every day. She does wear a mask religiously, but the vaccine gives a layer of protection and peace of mind that nothing else can at this point. My cousin is doing okay, but hopefully she'll also decide the vaccine is worth it since obviously prior infections aren't a guarantee.

Experiencing Covid time is like extreme living, moments of pure panic and long, loooong stretches of almost suspended animation. Two steps forward, one step back, stop, reverse. A new rhythm for all of us and we're still adjusting.

Today was my official immunity date. Woo hoo? I celebrated by submitting my resume to Costco for a pharmacy technician position and will give it a week or so before I apply to the "Any Job" option. I considered CVS since they're about a five minute drive from my parents house but after reading the reviews it sounded absolutely terrible. Expected overtime without pay, not able to grab any lunch, overflow of prescriptions and people for the staffing levels and a cold, uncaring corporation possibly worse than the LIB I used to work for.

I've run that race and know that it will never be worth it again. Hell, it wasn't worth it the first time. Costco at this point qualifies as my realistic "dream job" simply because they expect hard work but reward you for your efforts. That's really what I want the most, it's what my generation was promised when growing up only to have our expectations dashed again and again as corporations cut benefits, raises, and staffing simultaneously. 

I'm also terrified I'll be overlooked or fall into the "overqualified" bucket, and while all of my previous job searches have taken nine months or so, I'm hoping this time the fact that I'm aiming lower will cut that time significantly. I'm still getting the completely non-helpful advice from my family to "stop in and introduce yourself, it'll let them know you're interested." That worked in a world where staff weren't already stretched to the limit and maybe had time to chat. Now I'd be an unwelcome intrusion and put them in an awkward spot. I know this, but my dad gets resentful that I'm not simply saying "yes" and meekly following any and all of his advice, so there's no win in this situation. 

This job would be a minor win; any decent job at a decent employer would be a minor win. Now I get to play the waiting game and try to avoid any family discussions about what I'm doing wrong in their eyes by following the proper procedure when they've only ever held one job period (both were high school teachers all of their lives). *sigh* I hate this.

Until last year I've never played the lottery other than an occasional scratch-off for the entertainment value. Now I pick up a couple of tickets here and there when I stop for gas or cigarettes, but mentally I know it's more than a fleeting fancy. I've always said that the lottery was a sucker's bet since the odds are astronomically high and it's basically a waste of money. That I'm now choosing to throw money away there means it's one of the many signs that I've given up on ever making a decent salary again, of possibly affording retirement or home ownership, or even affording an apartment here. It's a sign of desperation.

People are speaking of all the things they intend to pick up again once vaccinations are much more common, and the opportunities that seem to be lying in wait for them. I wish I felt that way. I'm part of a dying profession; it's time to face that and know that I'll never really be able to use the skills I have in a meaningful way like the researching part of my former job. I won't go back to school since there is no four year degree where I could realistically compete at 45 with the 22 year olds who would be my so-called peers. They are younger, faster, and infinitely more tech-savvy than I am, and I don't have the physical or mental reserves left to compete on those levels.

Whatever connections I had were left in the city, and being a natural introvert and an alcoholic for the past 10 years means that I was also avoiding networking like the plague, so a job falling in my lap is highly to completely unlikely. I know no one down here to help with any new direction either.

Where does that leave me? Pretty desperate, hence the lottery. I figure that infinitesimal chance of winning is better than what faces me right now. This coming Tuesday is my "official" immunity day, aka two weeks after my second shot, so I suppose it's time to start applying for cashier jobs. I may not get those either, since I might be judged as too qualified, but it's about all I can hope for.