A miracle has happened: I was called for an interview for the librarian job! Of course the email went into Spam yesterday but they called today to make sure I knew where it was since apparently this has happened to them before with people who use Gmail. That meant that I had to take the only slot left for a tele-interview, but I jumped at it because hey, what the hell else am I doing? Being unemployed makes you very flexible.

The conference call is with the selection committee and I'm just hoping I can pull it off.  Interviewing in general is incredibly stressful for me and while I can talk at length about nerdy things, I tend to ramble, particularly when asked about myself. I need to remind myself I am qualified and build my confidence before then. What I don't know I can learn, and I do deserve this job. In my head I am the multiple failures that have consisted my life, but I need to remember others don't see me that way. Don't put myself down, don't belittle my skills and let go of some of my anger at my former employer. Talk about the research center, not LIB. Accept my shortcomings as lessons and know that I can do better this time around, definitely not financially, but personally.

I think it's time to take my meditation skills out for a spin since talking to family only makes things like this worse. They mean well but end up correcting me on any perceived failings in communication or skills even though they a) don't know the full nature of a librarian job and b) have never gotten it through their thick skulls that those "helpful comments" come across as criticisms and only add pain to someone already crippled by internal doubt. Until this comes to pass I need to go as zen as possible, and since this house isn't large enough for me to go anywhere I can't be overheard, that I do not need or want a play by play of the call once it's done. If I fuck up it's on me.

So a small ray light has arrived, and I'm grasping for it with both hands. I just hope I catch it.