As much as I have resisted this, I think I officially surrender. After 5 days in the hospital mid-February for pancreatitis and now a second case of jaundice, I have to admit that my liver simply cannot handle drinking any more. Like at all. Ever. The pain, nausea, and fatigue go away while I'm drinking but the aftermath is getting nastier and nastier, and at some point it will reach a point of no return.

Will I be tempted? Definitely, but it's reached such an extreme place that my options are either stop now, or die like my cousin did. Luckily my parents do know, and they are being supportive instead of guilt-tripping or smothering me as they have in the past. I think it's finally hit them that this is something I have to do myself and while they can support and help, they can't fix it, and the more they try to control it the worse the impact on me.

I still have a chance to survive for a while longer, although I don't delude myself that this probably has shortened my life span by at least a couple of decades. So I'll take that chance and hope that things do improve. I've stepped back at work since I refuse to stress out so much any more, and I doubt they would fire me anyway since I am the only night shift for a good three hours per night. We're currently experiencing the Trump effect where activity has slowed down since no one in business knows what in the hell he's going to do next so everyone's sitting tight, but we'll pick up again.

For now I'm looking forward to my birthday, and a trip to Newport, RI with my mom where I hope to have lots and lots of lobster rolls. Life has other rewards that are far more constructive.