I have become deeply enthralled by the new BBC Sherlock.  I discovered it on Netflix streaming simply by accident, and have always been a passing fan of Arthur Conan Doyle, but holy hell have they done a great job in updating the traditional Sherlock!  In addition, for the first time in a long time I have a fan crush on an actor.  Benedict Cumberbatch is simply fantastic in the role, making you believe an incredible intellect and single-minded purpose who is completely asexual in the series, but exudes attraction.  As Irene Adler said in the show, "Smart is the new sexy."

Off to Jersey tomorrow for Thanksgiving which should be interesting as always.  I hope when I get back that I can finally start holiday shopping and find some worthy gifts this year (I try the small kiosks, etc to find something non-mass marketed since anyone can buy those things year round). One of the perks of New York is that you find items not available elsewhere.

People tell you that it gets better as you get older, and in certain ways that is true.  However, other things seem to balance the scale; unsurprising since life does seem to have certain scales that rock back and forth depending on the day, week, month, etc as an aggregate.  This is not to say that there are those with notable strings of undeserved pain or odd runs of luck, but the world as a whole seems to have some average level.

I keep telling myself that since I've known both those who were abnormally lucky or unlucky, and have seen their reactions to the course of their lives.  Some understand that they've been dealt a relatively bad or good hand compared to the average person, and those people tend to be the most grounded.  The others either exploit the good luck and look down on those they feel just haven't tried hard enough or they would be on the plus side, or those who have simply given up faced with the trials they have experienced.  The rest of us?  We move on as best we can, accepting good and bad luck as we go and trying to make the best of what's thrown at us.

Some people believe in God, some in fate, some in nothing at all.  After what I've been through in my scant 30-some years, I still don't have answers.  I know there are certain things that can improve or damage my life, the things I have control over.  I also acknowledge that there are so many external factors that at any one time someone could hit the lottery and never have to worry about money again, or be hit by a drunk driver and end up in a wheelchair or worse for life.  I've experienced the helplessness of being bedridden and almost dying, the exhilaration of landing a coveted job, the hopelessness of being at the bottom and having everything taken away from me, and the contented feeling of being financially secure.

Most of all, I can't quite shake the worry and anxiety of not knowing what could lie in wait since I've seen many things that I don't think I could deal with. In some ways I'm stronger for having been through certain life experiences, in other ways I'm made more vulnerable by them.  For those with charmed lives, they don't understand what it's like to be helpless or hopeless, to have no options available to impact your life and try to bring it in a positive direction.  To know that you're saddled with a disease that can recur at any time or to be fearful enough that stepping outside requires the willpower of a warrior because you can barely shower or sleep.

Have I learned anything?  Absolutely.  I've learned that no matter what, you push through difficulties, knowing that you may still fail.  When you can't make it, you just hold on to where you are, clinging with your fingernails as long as you can to finally hit solid ground again.  I guess what I'm saying is that things are kind of tough right now, and have been for a while, but since I've suffered here before, I have resources and strength I can call on that didn't exist in past times.  I think maybe, just maybe, I may have reached a point where I can look outside, acknowledge my own and others' difficulties, and put things in perspective intellectually to try and ease the subjective situation.  I think that's progress.

I have to admit that I'm very lucky to have the family I do in terms of support, but there are times when it can be exhausting.  From mid-September through this weekend I've had obligations every weekend except for two, which is great because I get to catch up with all of my cousins i don't see too often, but is exhausting around my work schedule since they all live in Jersey.  Considering the holidays are basically around the corner, I figure I'm not really going to get a break until January, but at least I've managed to keep up some energy and perform well at work despite being tired.

I wish I could say it was strange that pushing myself to do well despite being exhausted was new, but time has taught me that my energy level will probably always be sub-par.  Part of it also is knowing that in some ways, the lack of variance in my daily life is frustrating and energy-sapping.  Everyone experiences this in terms of being in the same job, having their daily routine, etc, but especially having experienced for the first time in many years the excitement that motivated me to really get up early and enjoy life, I feel like something's missing.

I realize, of course, that vacations are just that for a reason, but some part of me yearns to feel that kind of time to do what I want to do.  Spending 8-10 hours in front of a desk at the computer quite frankly sucks, but in today's world, no matter what field I am in, seems to be part of the current workforce paradigm. I don't know if there's a solution to this, but at least I had a break to run and play, to enjoy having the freedom to break from that for a while.  I need to find an outlet here; one that I can burn off the inactivity and frustration from office life, but that doesn't cost an arm and a leg in the city!  New goal, I suppose.

I finally took my vacation for the year and my parents and I headed down to Disney World. The last time I was there was 1989, so we knew there would be quite a change, but I was very impressed.  Of course, the last time I was there I was 10 years old, so that also was quite a change to appreciate everything as an adult and without any children along!

There is so much to see and do that the week we had seemed inadequate, even on my kind of touring schedule which entails being at the parks before opening, beelining for the major attractions, and setting out our major meals ahead of time so we have reservations where and when we want.  All told, we hit 5 different parks in 6 days (with 2 days devoted to Epcot because the Food & Wine Festival was going, and because we stayed at the Yacht Club which is walking distance to Epcot), which is ambitious even for young families.  I'm proud and impressed with my parents for keeping up, even at 68 and 69 years old, and my Dad even braved some of the roller coasters!  I'll go on every coaster from Kingda Ka to Big Thunder Mountain, and haven't found one that can make me sick yet :), but Dad found out that the newer coasters (Rock n' Roller Coaster, etc) are actually easier than some of the older ones like Space Mountain, which is much more jerky and can hurt more from whiplash-like action.

Of course, we also spent one day at Universal, where there was no WAY I was letting him go on the Hulk coaster or Rip, Ride, Rockit which both were awesome for me, but would have been tough for those with back problems. Harry Potter was nice, but I really enjoyed the Jurassic Park section, although perhaps that's because of many fond memories of the book and movie, which have aged with grace even now that it's been re-released.  Overall, however, Universal seemed like it had a good veneer over certain cracks, literally and figuratively.  Disney properties are impeccably clean and maintained.  Universal has cracks in the concrete everywhere, their original theme park Studio Town seems like it's been forgotten, and overall there's a feeling of striving hard to create something and then just let it molder. Working where I do, it's reminiscent of the corporate philosophy of focus on what's new and let those things that were the talk of the town at their time deal for themselves, although even the older rides were enjoyable.

As for Disney, partly I'm sure it's nostalgia, since I was there when I was 5 and when I was 10, but the Magic Kingdom seems as fresh as ever, and it really does embody the mission of Walt Disney to have attractions that all ages can enjoy.  This was our first park, and I loved every minute of it!  Hollywood Studios came next, and was fine, but overall, it seemed like there was more that should be done with this property to showcase the movie and deep animation heritage that Disney has.  From there, Epcot's World Showcase was wonderful, especially with the Food & Wine Festival running, but I feel that Epcot's regular attractions in the first section of the park have been allowed to wither with time, similar to Universal, although some effort has been made (addition of Soarin', revamp of Test Track).  A little more effort would yield great results, I think.

Finally, there was Animal Kingdom, which was our last day in the parks.  I loved it in terms of the safaris, walking tours, and A Bug's Life connection, although it's clearly geared for younger attendees for the rides. I don't think I would spend multiple days here, but that qualified for some of the parks (although MK and Epcot I would spend more time in, especially MK).  What really blew me away was the Safari, since we took an early Extra Magic Hour and arrived at 8, we got to be on the first trucks at 8:30 since I know on a natural schedule, animals will be out foraging as early as possible, so we got prime viewing.  Also, I do realize they feed the animals in certain places to draw them to the viewing areas, but I think this was the most interesting part of the park..

After finishing the park, we headed to Animal Kingdom Lodge for the buffet at  Boma, and arrived a bit early to explore the lodge.  We were in Jambo House, and I did not know that the Lodge LITERALLY backs up to the Savannah, so guests can wake up to antelope, giraffes, wildebeest, etc outside their balconies!  OMG! While the Lodge is out of the way of the main parks, for those who want this experience it is amazing!

Also, I must note that Boma was incredibly interesting (I assume authentic, or close, since I've never had true African food, but the spice palates were not for the timid), and one of the best meals we had on our trip.  Anyone staying anywhere in Orlando that doesn't check this out is missing some of the best and most creative buffets around.

There's so much more I saw, felt, and for the first time in at least 5 years I felt genuine wonder, had completely new experiences, and have to admit, even for this cynic, that the "Disney Experience" is what it's made out to be.  After the first day my sarcasm still existed, but it was tempered by the feeling that this was a break from the general world and daily stress, and that is something to be treasured and remembered. By the time I left, well, I want to go back to see all that I missed, and to experience that feeling again.  The feeling of being an adult with the open mind of a child; remembering the past experiences here and looking forward to what's new without apprehension, just anticipation, which is so often lost in today's world.