It's hard to believe I will be closing one month from now. How insane is that?! I submitted a list for repairs/credits including the basic problem of attic fan is broken for her to offer $500. Really? You can't buy a new fan and hire an electrician to go up in the attic to reinstall one for less than $1,000 probably. 

Tomorrow I'll call my lawyer and we'll work out his response to her lawyer, but I'm angling for $1,000 minimum, $1,500 preferably, but we'll see. I don't want this dragged out for nickel & dime purposes, so if push comes to shove I'll eat cost on cracked tiles & do caulk & sealant myself. The attic fan is the big issue and that was in the seller's disclosure, inspection report, and has been known as an issue for a while. The $1,000 to make that whole would be enough.

Going through processes like this drive home yet again just how much I loathe negotiating. A natural next step for some people in my profession is to switch to vendor contracts since we use the databases all of the time, but I would literally quit for my mental health. I can handle limited or personal negotiations, but the stress I feel through my body is undeniable. If that was my job, I would burn out so fast it would be ridiculous. So I'll go on as I have, not making the most or advancing my position, but also sparing my body the inevitable tension when I'm thrust into the spotlight in pretty much any way, shape, or form.

With age does come some wisdom, and I can see now how what I was taught growing up, to push through no matter what, is a terrible fucking idea if it comes at the expense of your health, mental or physical. So yeah, I've resolved never to be in that position again if I can help it, and I'm old enough that I may not be pushed to do so, fingers crossed. 

Aaaand, it's still a constant back & forth, but things are progressing sort of okay. The seller found a house, so I have a firm closing date of Sep. 30th (yay!!!!). In the meantime I had a trip scheduled to go to PA and see my cousins on my mom's side for three days the end of last week, so I thought I was prepared. Inspection reports were sent out to all parties, I notified my realtor and attorney I would be out of town, and left, only to spend half of the time (outside of the time with my cousins where I refused to check my phone) either calling, texting, or emailing as things continued.

For now I have almost everything outstanding from then done, but tomorrow or Thursday I have to sit down and really examine all of the pieces to figure out if I'm leaving anything out. If I don't forget in between juggling the mental energy for all of this with the mental energy expended at my job finding new, creative ways to dig out information.

I've begun packing in the meantime though, and have gone through all of my books. I'm down to 7 small moving boxes of books, which is pretty good for me considering I have books from childhood to now. DVDs are next, winter clothes, if I get egg crates I'll pack the less used kitchen items...it's going to happen. I will just pace myself since I don't have to move Sep. 30th, I can do one big move in October with a company then take the fragile items, cleaning supplies, etc myself since it's only 15 minutes away.

It's another 15 minutes to the sand from there, 10 minutes longer than now for me, but considering the price differential it was necessary. To demonstrate: smaller 2 bed/2 bath single level condo (with a basement) near me now? About $580-610,000. Where I'm going? 3 bed/2.5 bath, 2 level is about $440-480,000. Basic savings right off the bat? About $150,000. It's worth 10 extra minutes to the beach!

More major hurdles down, yay! The inspection came back clean with just a couple cracks in tiles, caulking, and that broken attic fan which I knew about from the sellers disclosure. I loved this place when I saw it partly because it was old-fashioned, with most of the original finishes still there, but all of it was well taken care of and the utilities were new or almost new. I also finally met the seller who lives with her mother there and they're moving into one of the many retirement communities down the Shore. Both seem like lovely people, she's a nurse, and her mother is still 100% with it mentally, and you could tell they cared about (and for) the place.

 I did something I probably shouldn't have, since I did like them and I could tell they were very nervous about ending up rushed to move or couldn't get a new property in time. Because I'm a sucker, I let them know my real timeline, that my lease is up Dec. 31st, but I want December to move, so Nov. 30th is my hard deadline. That gives them five months from when they put the condo on the market to find somewhere which should absolutely be doable, but I know from watching my family and parents age that the older you are, the longer something takes, and the more nervous the person gets when they feel out of control of the situation.

I suppose I'll find out if I regret that depending on if they have to push the closing date back, but I'm hoping that by acting in good faith myself, it comes back to me as well. Of course there have been many (many, many) times things like that have come back to bite me in the ass, so with a little luck this may not be one of them. 

Oh yes, and the other happening is that an old cyst which had been inactive for decades decided to abscess, so I had to go for an I&D at CityMD last Monday. It's still weeping a bit and I can't properly bandage it because of where it is, but I've been managing.

Luckily they also prescribed me antibiotics so that should help prevent infection too, and it there's no visible sign of infection currently. I managed to get a last minute cancellation at my mom's dermatologist on Wednesday morning though, so I'll see what the professionals have to say. I'm anticipating they'll want to take the cyst out, but that's more surgery than a quick office visit will provide, so that will be pushed forward.

One of the suckier things about cirrhosis is that bleeding increases and immune response decreases, so it can cause weird shit like this to happen. But I'm aware of it, and addressed this quickly enough (and even left during work) that it didn't go systemic. If I live like I'm 30 years older than my actual age, I find that's just about where I land. Oh well, this too shall pass. 

Things are progressing apace (I think) since there are so many goddamn steps in this process, but I'm just trying not to stress too much, and work with all parties involved.

I also realize that my parents are hitting that older state and it's showing. My dad forgets things rather frequently so it's obvious that he's getting dementia (it runs on his side of the family), and his sister giving herself vascular dementia is making my mom crazy since taking care of both of them falls on her. She hates change, and like most older people their capacity to adapt diminishes, but this is emotional change which she hates even more. I'm hoping having an extra bedroom in my place will give her a break for a few days here and there.

So it's on me to be the calm in the storm, research and figure shit out, and hope and pray I did everything necessary and correctly. The stress is brewing in me too, but one thing I got very good at when I was living at my parents among their frequent fights is a sort of dissociation. Like a meditation technique, but more like a small box in my mind. I write down what I need to remember to do later, then lock that thing in the box until I need to revisit it. Weird, I know, but it works fairly well.

We all work out coping skills, healthy or unhealthy. Most of all, this too shall pass, and when it does I will finally own a place!